- Tibor Nichols: [Accused of electrocuting horses] Trust me, sir. The horses don't feel a thing.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: I'd like to shoot 120 volts through his rectum and see what he says then.
- Detective Rey Curtis: [arriving at crime scene] Victim: Mister Wickets. You got a first name?
- Susan Bauer: His first name IS Mister. He's a horse.
- James Linde: We move to stay this proceeding, Your Honor, pending resolution of litigation that is the basis of the indictment.
- Judge Morris Torledsky: And what litigation would that be, Mr. Linde?
- James Linde: Several civil matters that the People, for some reason, are trying to criminalize.
- A.D.A. Claire Kincaid: The defendant beat us to that, Your Honor. His crimes are specified in our complaint.
- James Linde: They're good-faith business disputes. We're in the wrong courthouse.
- Judge Morris Torledsky: Sorry, Counselor, but it's the People's ball. They get to decide where to play.
- James Linde: Then we plead not guilty.
- Judge Morris Torledsky: At last. I was beginning to think you get paid by the word.
- Susan Bauer: [referring to the dead horse's manure] Solid fecal balls, and it's warm.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: I'll take your word for it.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: Brandson calls the insurance company and says he doesn't want the money.
- Detective Rey Curtis: Necropsies are expensive, so they called it off.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: No necropsy, no proof Mister Wickets didn't die of natural causes. You think the department would go a couple of grand to find singe marks on a horse's ass?
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: To investigate no crime? I can't even get pencils with erasers.
- Detective Rey Curtis: So the guy has a zillion dollars. He just buys his way out of a beef?
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: [sarcastically] Unbelievable, in the United States!
- Detective Rey Curtis: [after phoning a cruise ship looking for Ruth Thomas] They can't find her.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: Maybe she's on the poop deck.
- A.D.A. Claire Kincaid: Christopher's horse-trading records are insanely complicated. He covered his tracks. He wasn't so cautious about his mating rituals.
- Jack McCoy: Should I be taking notes?
- A.D.A. Claire Kincaid: [smiles] If you want to go broke.
- Detective Rey Curtis: How about we at least get a search warrant.
- A.D.A. Claire Kincaid: To search what - earth?
- Detective Rey Curtis: I didn't become a detective to investigate dead animals.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: [voice imitating Mr. Ed, the talking horse of the eponymous 1960's TV series] Oh come on, Wilbur. Somebody killed a horse. You're not going to let him get away with it, are you?
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: You've got your assignment, Detective.
- Detective Rey Curtis: Fine. You want me to question the horse's friends and neighbors? Find out if maybe he was having some problems in his love life? It's a nothing case.
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: Say something one... more... time.