L.A. Law (TV Series)

Where There's a Will (1993)

Jill Eikenberry: Ann Kelsey

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Back in downtown Los Angeles. Opening the door is Stuart, have a word with Ann] 

  Stuart Markowitz : So they agreed on a sentiment?

  Ann Kelsey : Bennett will rerelease the book with both their names, the profits to be donated to a scholarship fund.

  Stuart Markowitz : All for a pair of star-crossed lovers. You know, I worked with a Shakespeare company once.

  Ann Kelsey : Really?

  Stuart Markowitz : Oh, yeah, yeah, the summer before law school.

  Ann Kelsey : Let me guess: Hamlet.

  Stuart Markowitz : Mm-mm. I was the stage manager.

  Ann Kelsey : Hmm.

  Stuart Markowitz : You know... you need a sword, you need a bodkin, I'm your man.

  Ann Kelsey : I've always loved your bodkin.

  Stuart Markowitz : What about my sword?

  [Ann laughing] 

  Ann Kelsey : What I want to know is what would have happened with us if I hadn't made the first move?

  Stuart Markowitz : You mean if you hadn't gotten sloshed and drag me off to your apartment?

  Ann Kelsey : Yeah, you think we would have gone on like Camille and Simon, just working side by side, never seeing the possibilities?

  Stuart Markowitz : No way I was gonna miss you. Not unless I was struck blind.

  [Stuart laughing, Ann and Stuart hugged and kissed each other] 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Bancroft vs. Bennett.

  Ann Kelsey : Camille Bancroft, a Shakespeare professor at Stanford is suing her colleague Simon Bennett for unfair competition.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Over Shakespeare?

  Ann Kelsey : Simon Bennett and Camille Bancroft have taught together for years. Not long ago, he published his own book based on their teaching methods.

  Stuart Markowitz : It's a great book: "Shakespeare in Love". Won the Bollingen prize.

  Ann Kelsey : Right, deposition start today, and I was hoping to reach a settlement, but Simon and Camille are like stubborn children. They always have been.

  Leland McKenzie : Do you know them?

  Ann Kelsey : My first year at Stanford, I majored in drama. Over time, I kept in touch with Camille.

  Arnie Becker : Shakespeare's so depressing. I mean, the lovers are always doomed.

  Gwen Taylor : Or dead.

  Melina Paros : That's why they call them tragedies.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : All's well that ends well.

  [Douglas closed his pocket watch that the time is up. The law meeting is adjourned] 

• Ann Kelsey : Camille, Simon's lawyer has agreed to rerelease Shakespeare in Love and include your name as co-author.

  Camille Bancroft : Too late, the damage has been done. Simon Bennett brings Shakespeare alive for the modern audience. Simon Bennett this, Simon Bennett. I mean, Simon's talent is performance. Not analysis. He's benefitted from my work and now he's going to add my name as an afterthought?

  Simon Bennett : The venom clamours of a jealous woman poison more deadly than a mad dog's tooth. Hello, Camille. Still intent on this foolish exercise?

  Camille Bancroft : You need only look in the glass to see the fool, Simon.

  [Introducing] 

  Paul Jameson : Paul Jameson.

  Ann Kelsey : Ann Kelsey. Hello, Professor Bennett.

  [Bennett recognized Ann Kelsey before] 

  Simon Bennett : Ann? Is it you? My sweet Juliet, my Titania, my Kate?

  Camille Bancroft : My lawyer.

  Simon Bennett : Never saw a more natural actress. Or more beautiful.

  Camille Bancroft : Oh, Simon, do stop flirting. Ann's not one of your students anymore.

  Simon Bennett : Camille, you wound me.

  Camille Bancroft : [sighs]  Always the innocent.

  Ann Kelsey : Well, perhaps we should get started.

  [Mr. Jameson will, too get started with Mr. Bennett] 

• Ann Kelsey : Mr. Segal, is it true that last year, Camille Bancroft and Simon Bennett approached you about publishing?

  Jeremy Segal : Yes, they had an idea for a book to make Shakespeare more accessible to average person.

  Ann Kelsey : Dry academic criticism doesn't seem the stuff of bestsellers, Mr. Segal.

  Jeremy Segal : Normally, I'd agree. But this particular book captured my imagination. Putting the great love stories of Shakespeare in a cultural context. West Side Story as Romeo and Juliet during the 60s, for example. Made for enjoyable reading.

  Ann Kelsey : Were Bennett and Bancroft collaborating at the time?

  Jeremy Segal : If you could call it that.

  Ann Kelsey : What do you mean?

  Jeremy Segal : The only had a general idea of what the wanted to write.

  Ann Kelsey : So what happened?

  Jeremy Segal : Camille Bancroft withdrew from the project.

  Ann Kelsey : And?

  Jeremy Segal : I published Shakespeare in Love with Simon Bennett's name as sole author.

  Ann Kelsey : Did you have my client's permission?

  Jeremy Segal : I didn't need it. I obtained a full release from Mr. Bennett, which included a warranty that he owned the work.

  Camille Bancroft : I have spent years developing those ideas. I mean, you think I'd just let you up and steal them?

  Simon Bennett : You can't own an idea, Camille. It's counter to ever notion of scholarship.

  Camille Bancroft : Scholarship? What would you know about scholarship? You're an actor. You don't even know how to think creatively.

  Simon Bennett : Well, you don't know how to feel. You spent a lifetime studying the great love affairs of literature and you don't have a slightest idea what it means to love.

  [Simon will be heading outside with Mr. Jameson] 

  Paul Jameson : We'll be back.

  [Ann looks at Camille] 

• [Ann Kelsey heads to the ladies' room, wash her hands] 

  Roxanne Melman : Who's there?

  Ann Kelsey : It's me, Roxanne, it's Ann. Everything okay?

  Roxanne Melman : Ann, when you were pregnant, did you ever have any problems?

  Ann Kelsey : Oh, you know, just the usual morning sickness. Why?

  Roxanne Melman : [Coming out]  I'm bleeding. And I feel really sick. Oh, that doesn't sound so good.

  Ann Kelsey : Come over here and sit down. Okay.

  Roxanne Melman : I'm afraid I'm losing my baby.

  Ann Kelsey : I'm sure you're not, sweetie, just... why don't you lie down here? I'm gonna call your doctor.

  [Ann will be back to get a doctor. Roxanne sobs] 

• Paul Jameson : How long have you taught at Stanford, Professor Bancroft?

  Camille Bancroft : 12 years.

  Paul Jameson : And how long have you been associated with Simon Bennett?

  Camille Bancroft : He began teaching drama the same year that I joined the English Department.

  Paul Jameson : Professor Bancroft, why did you go with Simon Bennett to a publisher?

  Camille Bancroft : I thought that we were discussing a scholarly work, not a witless hackjob.

  Simon Bennett : A bestseller. The public loves my book.

  Camille Bancroft : However you may have bastardized the prose, the ideas are still mine.

  Paul Jameson : After 12 years of working together, you can tell whose ideas are whose?

  Camille Bancroft : Easily. Simon never had an original thought in his life.

  Simon Bennett : I object to that.

  Paul Jameson : Please.

  Camille Bancroft : I wrote, "Romeo reconciles his conflicts between love and sexuality through Juliet. The duality of growth and decay." And here... "Romeo saw Juliet as a ripe tomato." I mean, is this what my life's work has been reduced to?

  Ann Kelsey : Camille, I...

  Paul Jameson : If you don't like the book, why object if your name isn't on the cover?

  Camille Bancroft : In my name, the currency is neither money nor fame. It's ideas, originality of thought. I mean, this is how we are judged.

  Simon Bennett : Judged by whom? A bunch of dried up professors just like us? I saw the chance for us to do something together, to grab a little glory.

  Camille Bancroft : Notoriety, I mean all those college girls clamoring for an autograph. This is all you care, Simon. Your own ego.

  Simon Bennett : Open your eyes, Camille. I care about you!

  [Camille was confused. So does Ann. She looked pretty weird] 

  Simon Bennett : All those years, side by side. You never really looked at me. Well, I'm no Romeo, no Hamlet. But for God's sake. Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bares it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error, and upon me proved, I never writ nor no man ever loved. I humbly do beseech you of your pardon for too much loving you.

  [Simon gives a kiss on Camille's hand] 

• Camille Bancroft : Is it always so dramatic around here?

  Ann Kelsey : It has been lately. So have you thought anymore about...

  Camille Bancroft : Simon's little show? Oh, he's such an outrageous flirt. You know, he's been married twice. Of course, this is just a ploy to get me to drop the lawsuit.

  Ann Kelsey : What if it isn't? What if he really does love you?

  Camille Bancroft : Oh, please, I know so much about him. I know every annoying habit, every tick, every...

  Ann Kelsey : So there won't be any surprises. A lot of women would jump at the chance to be with Simon.

  Camille Bancroft : Mom. A lot of women have. Besides, I don't jump. I'm a professor, not an acrobat.

  Ann Kelsey : You're entitled to step back from the books now and then. He's made the first move. All you have to do is...

  Camille Bancroft : My dear Ann. I am too old to play Juliet.

  Ann Kelsey : Too old or too scared? Camille, I've learned so much from you as a student. Will you listen to me now as a friend? In the last few months Stuart and I were so far apart that we hardly had any marriage at all, and instead of reaching out of him, I shut myself off. I came so close to losing the most precious thing in my life. And I'd hate to see that happened to you.

  [Looking has just arrived is Simon] 

  Ann Kelsey : Besides, Simon's too old to play Romeo.

  Simon Bennett : True, we have seen better days. As least show me the courtesy of hearing me out.

  Camille Bancroft : 'Tis best to speak plain and to the purpose.

  Simon Bennett : For Heaven's sake, woman, will you kindly shut up?

  Camille Bancroft : I would but 'tis the thickness of your skull makes you hard of hearing.

  Simon Bennett : Come on, you wasp. In faith, you are too angry.

  Camille Bancroft : If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

  Simon Bennett : Ohh...