L.A. Law (TV Series)

Hand Roll Express (1988)

Richard Dysart: Leland McKenzie

Quotes 

• Leland McKenzie : While I'm sure we're all glad that Roxanne is out of her legal difficulties, by this time we're aware that hers were not the only indiscretions committed. While personal investments are, as a rule, personal business, anyone trading on stock tips even remotely questionable is compromising the integrity of this firm. I trust that those of you involved will take appropriate steps to rectify the situation.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Leland, if I may, the only thing I would add is that since Roxanne's matter with the U.S. Attorney's Office is concluded, I'd like to give her 2 weeks' notice before the close of business today and start interviewing for a replacement.

  Michael Kuzak : Now wait a minute, it hasn't been established that Roxanne knew that those tips were illegal.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : That maybe, but this isn't a criminal prosecution. It's a law firm depending upon the good judgment of its employees. Roxanne let us down. Get rid of her.

  Stuart Markowitz : Uh-uh. If she didn't know the tips were based on inside information, how can we punish her?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : And what was her conduct when she did know? Did she immediately offer her cooperation to the federal prosecutor and seek to contain the damage or was her first priority to shield her paramour and further involved this firm's time and manpower in some tawdry little melodrama?

  Arnie Becker : Who the hell are you to vilify her? How many times have you had to call out for help for the simple reason that you couldn't keep your fly zipped?

  Leland McKenzie : All right, Arnold, let's not get into that now.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Whatever past scrapes, I've gotten into, I've never put this firm in jeopardy.

  Arnie Becker : For all your sanctimonious braying, Douglas, neither has she.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Well, I don't intend to let this drop.

  Arnie Becker : Fine, let me make things very clear then. You can express your outrage about this incident. We can have a series of discussions about moral consequences, situational ethics, or whatever you want. Just so you know, if you fire Roxanne, I walk out right behind her.

  [Arnie leaves and heads out of the Conference room. Ann Kelsey is to blame for Roxanne's insider trading. Leland and Douglas need a moment of silence] 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Jonathan, McMurray vs. Brinkley.

  Jonathan Rollins : Uh, $185,000 award plus costs.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : That brings Mr. Rollins to 5 and 0. I'd like to see those kind of stats from some other people around here. Seidell tax audits?

  Stuart Markowitz : Yeah, I'm not going to have anything definitive on that until Friday.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Emile's vs. Southland Magazine.

  Victor Sifuentes : Opening arguments scheduled for today.

  Abby Perkins : Your case may be a editorial section of the L.A. Times today.

  Jonathan Rollins : I never would've thought a restaurant review could generate this kind of controversy.

  Stuart Markowitz : Are you kidding? Lorna Landsberg - Who by the way I'd love to meet sometime if you could.

  [Victor nodded] 

  Stuart Markowitz : She's probably the most influential food critic around. She makes and breaks restaurant.

  Victor Sifuentes : More importantly this is potentially a landmark First Amendment case. The same elements that were in Westmoreland vs. CBS, Tavoulareas vs. the Washington Post, Sharon vs. Time Magazine. They're all there. It is the kind of case that makes laws.

  Michael Kuzak : Immortality, Victor. Nothing less.

  Leland McKenzie : It's a serious issue though, if you don't have a free press if they're cowered by fear of being sued.

  Arnie Becker : Yeah, but on the other hand, is the press entitled to be malicious if it means this guy with the restaurant suffers.

  [Leland shrugged] 

  Michael Kuzak : Was H.L. Mencken malicious? Lincoln Steffens, was he malicious? If you don't like someone's opinion, it's easy to call him malicious.

  Stuart Markowitz : Yeah, and there's something else really important to consider here. We now have a client who knows Spago's private number. We'll never be shut out a table there again.

  [Ann laughs. Jonathan laughs, too] 

  Arnie Becker : Could you find out for me, Victor, if she knows of a restaurant that's serving Chinese food from the Hakka region? I think that this might be the next big cuisine.

  [Abby and Stuart laughing] 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Folks, we have to discuss one other matter before we conclude. Michael, what's going on with the United States of America vs. Roxanne Melman's own true love?

  Michael Kuzak : She's under subpoena. If she agrees to testify against Markham, give up whatever profits she made, U.S. Attorney's willing to let it go at that.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Sounds a lot more lenient than I intend to be.

  Arnie Becker : Meaning what?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Meaning she's history around here. I'll let her get through with her legal travails first out of compassion, but once they're done, it's good-bye, Charlie.

  Arnie Becker : That's not really your call.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : It most certainly is my call.

  Leland McKenzie : All right, all right. Uh... We'll take this issue up at the partners' meeting.

  Arnie Becker : You bet we will.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : That's it.

  [Douglas closed his gold pocket watch] 

• City Attorney Larry Martin : I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Come in.

  Leland McKenzie : Thank you.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : Let me guess. This is on a 167B.

  Leland McKenzie : That's right.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : Client of yours, good marriage, modest standing in the community. It's gonna ruin his life if this thing goes on his record, so he sent you down for special pleading.

  Leland McKenzie : Actually I'm here to do you a favor.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : Everybody's looking to do me favors today.

  Leland McKenzie : Take a look at this arrest report.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : [Looking in the report]  So?

  Leland McKenzie : What do you know about the undercover officer?

  City Attorney Larry Martin : Sandra Davis?

  Leland McKenzie : Mm-hmm. Are you aware that she graduated police academy in October of last year? And she was transfered out of parking center into vice all of 2 1/2 weeks ago.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : Whoa. Before you start screaming entrapments...

  Leland McKenzie : Not entrapment. Sushi.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : Excuse me?

  Leland McKenzie : Mr. Martin, I'm not about to argue the legal issues here. This isn't about questionable police tactics. Would you take a look at this menu? It's from the restaurant where my cilent allegedly approached the officer. And could you read aloud from the circled items, please?

  City Attorney Larry Martin : [Reading]  "Red Snapper, Giant Clam, Tekka Maki Hand Roll."

  Leland McKenzie : Now, if you check that against the wire transcript.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : [Looking at the transcript]  Uh-oh. Uh... I'm, I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. He was ordering sushi.

  Leland McKenzie : Yes. I assure you we see nothing humorous about it.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : No. Of course not.

• Leland McKenzie : Let me be more precise. I've advised my client that he has the potential for a major lawsuit. Now he may or he may not pursue that option.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : What would he want?

  Leland McKenzie : Dropping of all charges and a letter of apology from every individual associated with this disgraceful arrest.

  City Attorney Larry Martin : I will tell my boss. Uh... okay if I hang on to this? The guys would get a kick out of it.

  [Leland leaving] 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Leland, could I have a word with you?

  Leland McKenzie : Oh, certainly.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Shut the door.

  [Leland closed the door] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : I'm in trouble. I was arrested last night. They're saying I solicited a prostitute.

  Leland McKenzie : Oh, Douglas.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : They must be working Sushi bars to crack down a Japanese businessman. I started talking to this woman...

  Leland McKenzie : And she was a vice cop.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Yes.

  Leland McKenzie : What are you gonna do?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : That's just it. If I take it to trial, the whole thing could go public. The press could get wind of it.

  Leland McKenzie : I hardly think that's likely.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Sheila could find out! Her attorney will crucify me. I could lose my children.

  Leland McKenzie : All right! Calm down!

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Calm down? These people are Fascists! You don't know what I'm dealing with!

  Leland McKenzie : Would you be willing to plead to a lesser charge?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Absolutely not! I'm innocent. On my father's grave, I was not pursuing her. Given my recent spate of misadventures, I don't care if I never see another woman again. Leland, I am many things a wholemonger is not one of them. I didn't even find her very attractive.

• Leland McKenzie : Whether you found her attractive or not isn't going to sound very convincing if they produce a transcript.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : What?

  Leland McKenzie : A transcript. She had to be wearing a wire.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Of course! Leland, you've got to get hold of it. You'll see it was all some grotesque misunderstanding. I swear, all we were doing was talking about the menu.

  Leland McKenzie : Let me see what I can do.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Thank you!

  [Douglas hugged Leland] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Thank you.

  Leland McKenzie : That's - That's all right.