- Dale Gribble: [to 'Smokin Sammy Salmon' bug] Nancy dearest, your smoke ravaged face is making me nauseous. Would you mind putting this Kroger bag over your head so I can make love to you?
- Dale Gribble: [fake forced crying to 'Smoking Sammy Salmon'] My horrifyingly grotesque wife is leaving me because of my smoking.
- [fake crying]
- Nancy Hicks Gribble: I just wanna look like me 20 years ago.
- Dale Gribble: What's the face-ectomy gonna run us?
- Plastic Surgeon: 5000
- Dale Gribble: It'll take us 20 years to save that kind of money and then you'll have to make her look 40 years younger.
- Smokin' Sammy Salmon: Manitoba is the brand to smoke/ You'll enjoy it toke for toke/ Don't worry/ Keep Smokin'
- Hank Hill: You know who you ought to be suing is the Arlen school system. How one of their graduates could come up with a plan this dumb is beyond me.
- Reynolds Penland: He's the only customer in our database who's earned every single item in our gift catalog. You've got to smoke 90,000 cigarettes just to get the satin team jacket. Now let's be honest, he should be dead by now.
- Hank Hill: Dale, they're suing you. They're not gonna kill you.
- Dale Gribble: Wake up, Hank! These people kill 400,000 of their own satisfied customers every year!