The Jack Benny Program (TV Series)

Christmas Shopping Show (1957)

Richard Deacon: Shirt Salesman

Quotes 

• Dennis Day : I'm confused.

  Shirt Salesman : Well that's understandable. You're confused because it's Christmastime, because you have the Christmas spirit, you're buying Christmas presents, and there're so many different things to look at.

  Dennis Day : Well that explains why I'm confused in December, but what about the other months?

  Shirt Salesman : I wouldn't know. I'm standing behind this counter because in a moment of wild enthusiasm I sold my pants.

• Shirt Salesman : Looking at you I can just picture your mother: small, petite, gentle, with a kindly smile for everyone. Spends most of the time sitting in her rocking chair knitting.

  Dennis Day : That's my father, now try to guess my mother. Boy does she make him tow the mark.

  Shirt Salesman : Your father is afraid of your mother?

  Dennis Day : Oh *everybody's* afraid of my mother. You know, when I was born the stork left me a block away from the house. Good thing I knew the address.