I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)

Alan Wide Shut (2002)

Felicity Montagu: Lynn Benfield

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Partridge : Lynn, what the frig have you got on your feet?

  Lynn Benfield : Shoe covers.

  Alan Partridge : You look like you live on a ward.

• Lynn Benfield : Right, I've got some stuff for your bedroom. Have you decided which room it's going to be?

  Alan Partridge : Yes. Now, the bedroom: down the corridor, last door on the left.

  John - Builder : That's the box room, Al. I mean, that's the same size as your bedroom in the caravan.

  Alan Partridge : Is it?

  Lynn Benfield : Yeah.

  Alan Partridge : Fine. Just, you know, squeeze a double bed in there and I can open the door and just step up onto the bed.

  Lynn Benfield : Where are your clothes going to go?

  Alan Partridge : In the storage room. Just a short, naked jog across the landing.

  Lynn Benfield : What happens when you've got guests?

  Alan Partridge : [puts his hands over his crotch]  Lynn, I'll cup myself. I don't mean with an actual cup.

  Carl - Builder : More like an egg cup.

  Alan Partridge : It wouldn't be an egg cup. It'd be two egg cups and a kidney dish.

• Lynn Benfield : Still annoyed about that "Bad Slags" book?

  Alan Partridge : I am, I don't know why people buy this rubbish. About these East End thugs who lend you £100 and a week later you owe them a million. I'm not exaggerating. Or you buy a car off them and find out it's two front ends welded together. Or you send it off for an MOT and you get note back saying they found some chap's ribs in the oil sump. Or you take the lid off the gear knob and find a teste.

• Alan Partridge : [Lynn is going to be baptised]  How will they get you up to the font? They'll need four men to lift you.

  Lynn Benfield : No, no, it's not a font, it's a special pool that they lower you into.

  Alan Partridge : Right, and if you sink, you're a Baptist, and if you float... you're evil? It's touch and go.