- Tim Taylor: Brad, don't forget my car's in the shop. So I'm gonna take your car and drop you guys off at school.
- Bradley Michael Taylor: Wait, what makes you think you can just take my car just like that?
- Tim Taylor: Because I paid for half of it "just like that."
- Tim Taylor: Jill, we gotta talk.
- Jill Taylor: No, honey, I can't. I gotta go to this meeting with Dr. Hanover.
- Tim Taylor: This is very important, honey.
- Jill Taylor: Well, okay. So, what is it? Like, Morgan? He wants you to do another cheesy "Tool Time" and you don't want to do it, right?
- Tim Taylor: No. He wants all "Tool Times" to be cheesy. That's why tomorrow is my last show 'cause I quit.
- Jill Taylor: You quit? You quit the show?
- Tim Taylor: He pushed me too far. Today's show was one of those shock TV shows like Jerry Springer. Tomorrow, he wants me to start an electrical fire. I intentionally start fires, I lose all credibility.
- Tim Taylor: We figure we owe it to our fans to do one more show, but after tomorrow's show, I'm done.
- Jill Taylor: I am so sorry. Are you okay?
- Tim Taylor: No, I'm not okay! That's 10 years of my life. I loved that show. I just hope I can land on my feet.
- Jill Taylor: What are we gonna do for money?
- Tim Taylor: We've got some in savings.
- Jill Taylor: Yeah.
- Tim Taylor: I can put in more time at the hardware store.
- Jill Taylor: That's a way to spend money.
- Dr. Hanover: Jill, I called you in to tell you that I have recommended you for a job.
- Jill Taylor: You... you did? Me?
- Dr. Hanover: You remember our guest lecturer, Dr. Ted Lee?
- Jill Taylor: Yes, I do. He wrote that great book on family counseling.
- Dr. Hanover: Yeah. Well, he just opened a family clinic and he wants you to work for him in his adolescent development program.
- Jill Taylor: This is unbelievable. He wants me?
- Dr. Hanover: Well, he liked the idea of hiring a post-graduate student and he wanted someone with life experience.
- Jill Taylor: This is so great. You can't imagine how good the timing is...
- Dr. Hanover: Well, there is one thing that you should know.
- Jill Taylor: How much money will I be making?
- Dr. Hanover: Excuse me?
- Jill Taylor: Cash. Dollars. How much will I be pulling down?
- Dr. Hanover: Jill, people don't usually take these entry-level jobs for the money.
- Jill Taylor: Oh. Oh, of course not, but I might eventually make, say, what you make?
- Dr. Hanover: People don't take my job for the money.
- Jill Taylor: [to Dr. Hanover] Look, I'm sorry. I just... my husband lost his job today. So I'm just a little concerned about our financial situation.
- Jill Taylor: Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, you know, I don't know exactly what the salary would be, but I'm sure it won't be enough to support a family of five.
- Jill Taylor: Oh. Well, that's okay. You know, I'm just confident that Tim will be able to get another job and this is a really wonderful opportunity. Thank you so much.
- Dr. Hanover: Oh, you're very welcome, but what I'm trying to tell you is that Dr. Lee's clinic is in Indiana. You'd have to move.
- Jill Taylor: Move?
- Dr. Hanover: Before you ask me what it costs to rent a U-Haul, I don't know!
- Jill Taylor: [to Tim] Honey, a very prestigious colleague of Dr. Hanover's has offered me a job at his family clinic in Bloomington.
- Tim Taylor: Must be a pretty screwed up family if they have their own clinic.
- Jill Taylor: [to Tim] I can't believe this. For 20 years, my whole life has revolved around your career and I finally have an opportunity to start my own and you don't even have one.
- Tim Taylor: That's a low blow.
- Jill Taylor: It could get lower.
- Al Borland: Sorry I'm late. I was packing up Mother's house.
- Tim Taylor: That must've been hard for you, Al.
- Al Borland: Well, I got through it okay, but then Trudy came over, and we were going over the guest list for the wedding and I got this panic attack. I think I'm going through pre-marital stress.
- Tim Taylor: Ah, PMS.
- Morgan Wondell: Hey, guys. Excited about my big idea for today's show?
- Tim Taylor: How can we be excited about a show where we just talk, Morgan?
- Morgan Wondell: No, no. It's not just talk. It's Tim talk. And when Tim talks, people listen.
- Tim Taylor: Don't kiss up to me. That job is reserved for Borland.
- Al Borland: Yeah. You're gonna have to stand in line, pal.
- Al Borland: Butch, why don't you tell us all what you're into?
- Butch: Lubrication. I believe a good home is a quiet home. No squeaks, creaks or hums. So, I always keep a can or two of oil on hand.
- Sue: [scoffs] A can or two? He oils everything we own. He's like the
- [bleep]
- Sue: Tin Man.
- Tim Taylor: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's just try to settle down, okay?
- Al Borland: Tim's right. We don't allow off-color language on this show.
- Butch: That's right, Sue. So, shut your
- [bleep]
- Butch: mouth.
- Tim Taylor: Would you?
- Sue: Oh, yeah?
- [Bleep, bleep]
- Sue: And the horse you rode in on.
- Tim Taylor: Hey, Wandell, do something about this.
- Morgan Wondell: Yeah, you go, girl!
- Morgan Wondell: Awesome show, guys.
- Tim Taylor: What do you mean "awesome show"? I almost got killed out there.
- Morgan Wondell: Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Those gals were only supposed to threaten their husbands.
- Heidi Keppert: They were supposed to?
- Al Borland: Are you saying that this show was staged?
- Morgan Wondell: Yeah, yeah. It looked so real, didn't it? Oh, God, I'm good.
- Tim Taylor: Morgan, you have made a mockery of everything Channel 112 stands for. We're not doing any more shows like this.
- Al Borland: Yeah.
- Morgan Wondell: No. No, no. Of course not. We want to stay fresh. We keep the audience guessing. Eventually, we'll do some more of that building crap you like.
- Tim Taylor: Building crap? Hold on a second. That building crap... that building crap is what "Tool Time" has been about for the last 10 years.
- Morgan Wondell: All right. Well, now it's about ratings. And if you're not comfortable with that, we can go another way.
- Tim Taylor: What's that supposed to mean?
- Morgan Wondell: Well, it means that we can find a host that's on the same page that we are.
- Tim Taylor: Ooh. Are you threatening me, Morgan?
- Morgan Wondell: No. No, I'm just clarifying Binford's position.
- Tim Taylor: [to Morgan] Well, let me clarify my position. You're not gonna take control of "Tool Time."
- Heidi Keppert: Yeah. I'm with Tim.
- Al Borland: Yeah. You tell him, Tim.
- Tim Taylor: That's right. If I have to, I'll just go above you. I'll talk to Bud.
- Morgan Wondell: All right. Well, you can talk to Bud all you want.
- Tim Taylor: I'm going to.
- Morgan Wondell: Well, do. It's not gonna do you much good.
- Tim Taylor: Sure it will.
- Morgan Wondell: Well, he's no longer with the company.
- Al Borland: What?
- Tim Taylor: Hold on a second. Bud wouldn't leave "Tool Time" without letting me know.
- Morgan Wondell: Let's see. He left, you didn't know about it. I guess he would leave without telling you.
- Tim Taylor: Well, as far as supervising "Tool Time" is concerned, who is above you now?
- Morgan Wondell: God.
- Tim Taylor: Well, look, if you're gonna turn this show into a three-ring circus, I might just quit.
- Morgan Wondell: Sorry to lose you. You were a good man.
- Tim Taylor: I'll buy a garage and start a classic car shop.
- Jill Taylor: You can't start a business from scratch. There's gonna be experts out there that have been doing it for years. It could take forever to turn a profit or, you know, you could just be a complete failure right out of the box.
- Tim Taylor: You're gonna make a great therapist.
- Tim Taylor: Jill, you're not gonna believe this. Sparky found a vacant spot in Woodridge that would be perfect for a classic car showroom.
- Jill Taylor: Well, I have another location in mind. How about opening a shop in Indiana?
- Tim Taylor: [chuckles] Indiana wants me. Lord, I can't go back there.
- Tim Taylor: [to Jill] You're serious about moving to Indiana?
- Jill Taylor: Yeah, well, I don't know. I mean, I want to consider it.
- Tim Taylor: What are they offering you? Ballpark.
- Jill Taylor: Well, it... it's not much, but there's potential for more later.
- Tim Taylor: Honey, honey. We're not moving to Indiana based on potential, okay?
- Jill Taylor: Well, you're not even gonna discuss this?
- Tim Taylor: What's to discuss? We live here. I mean, my mom is here, my brothers are here. My mechanics are here.
- Jill Taylor: So we're just gonna throw my career out the door because you don't want a stranger to change your oil?
- Tim Taylor: Give me some credit! There's more to it than that! How am I gonna follow the Lions, the Red Wings, the Pistons?
- Jill Taylor: Buy a paper!
- Tim Taylor: I don't want to read!
- Bradley Michael Taylor: I don't want to go to Indiana.
- Mark Taylor: Yeah. Me either.
- Bradley Michael Taylor: Neither will Randy. Have you even talked to him about it?
- Tim Taylor: Not yet. I don't think he wants to leave Costa Rica. I think some tribe found out he had a flashlight and turned him into a god.
- Jill Taylor: So, have a great Tool Time grande finale.
- Tim Taylor: It's gonna be really emotional.
- Jill Taylor: You have enough Kleenex?
- Tim Taylor: If not, I'm sure we have extra gauze.
- Tim Taylor: Hey, Mark, you gotta listen to this.
- Mark Taylor: Sure. As soon as I'm done watching this show.
- Tim Taylor: You're watching "Cooking with the Ragin' Cajun"?
- Mark Taylor: Dad, it's Gumbo Week.