Home Improvement (TV Series)

Ploys for Tots (1998)

Patricia Richardson: Jill Taylor

Quotes 

• Gracie Taylor : [the girls get Spice Girls dolls for their birthday from Tim and Jill]  I got Posh Spice!

  Claire Taylor : [disappointed]  I got Sporty Spice. I want Posh Spice.

  Jill : But you love Sporty Spice. You were Sporty Spice for Halloween.

  Claire Taylor : I want Posh Spice!

  Gracie Taylor : But they gave me Posh Spice.

  Tim : Upstairs, I got some Old Spice.

• Marty Taylor : Jill, the girls' birthday cake is great. What's your secret?

  Jill : Gretchen's Bakery. It's that place with the flashing neon lederhosen.

  Tim : You know, I always thought Gretchen was selling something else there.

• Jill : Can you believe what Marty just did?

  Tim : No. Buying these bikes off the rack like this? These gear ratios and tires. You'll never get any speed out of these puppies.

  Jill : I'm not talking about the bikes. I'm talking about the way he's dealing with the girls.

  Tim : He's just trying to make her happy.

  Jill : Yeah. At her sister's expense. He's not doing Claire any favors by giving in to her. He's letting her just take control.

  Tim : This is none of our business.

  Jill : Yes, it is.

  Tim : No, it's not. We don't know anything about raising two girls.

  Jill : Excuse me, someone in this room was a girl once.

  Tim : That was years ago before the operation.

• Jill : Children need boundaries and Marty's not setting any. He lets them stay up as long as they want every night.

  Tim : Jill...

  Jill : He's not setting any limits on what kind of television they watch.

  Tim : He's doing the best job he can. He's going through a separation. For God's sake, the guy can't be with his girls on his birthday. He's counting Snausages.

• Jill : [about Claire]  Marty, you're setting up a behavioral pattern where you give in to her every time she acts out.

  Marty Taylor : Oh, spare me the psychobabble. I know how to handle my kids.

  Jill : If you knew how to handle your kids, they'd know how to behave in our home.

  Tim : You know, ice cream is starting to sound real good right now.

  Jill : Look, Claire and Gracie need the security of knowing that there is a grown-up in control.

  Marty Taylor : That's okay. Just don't tell me how to raise my kids.

  Tim : How about Rocky Road?

• Jill : Unbelievable. I don't want them riding bikes in the house and I'm the bad guy? Thanks for bailing on me, Tim.

  Tim : I wasn't bailing on you. I was acting like a peacekeeper.

  Jill : They should have your kind of peacekeeping in the Middle East. Shooting starts, you send out for Chunky Monkey.