Home Improvement (TV Series)

Love's Labor Lost: Part 2 (1999)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Quotes 

• Tim Taylor : [as the nurse hooks up Jill's IV]  Anything I can do to help?

  Nurse : Yeah, stand back. I've seen "Tool Time."

• Jill Taylor : [after Jill learns she had a total hysterectomy]  I can't believe it. He took everything. I'm gutted like a fish.

  Tim Taylor : Oh, no. We don't look at it that way. You had surgery. You had your radiator flushed. You're gonna be running cool now.

  Jill Taylor : I'm not a car, Tim. I'm only 42 years old. I'm gonna go through menopause 10 years before I'm supposed to.

  Tim Taylor : You start early, you know. The early bird catches the worm.

• Lillian Patterson : [to Jill]  Well, now, you just don't push it. You have to take it easy and give yourself time to recover.

  Jill Taylor : Mom, I don't have time to take it easy. I gotta finish my thesis. Tim, can you find my book bag over there somewhere?

  Tim Taylor : Hey, I've got great news on that front. If you liked me before, you're gonna love me now. I've got you an extension on your thesis.

  Jill Taylor : You what?

  Tim Taylor : Yeah. Talked to your advisor, told him about your hysterectomy. He gave you an extra week.

  Jill Taylor : You what?

  Tim Taylor : I'm not feeling the love.

• Tim Taylor : I wonder if I'm gonna make it through menopause.

  Lillian Patterson : You're doing a great job, Tim. A lot better than my husband.

  Tim Taylor : I bet the Colonel had a problem with this.

  Lillian Patterson : When I went through the change, he slipped a card under my door that read, "Get well. On the double."

  Tim Taylor : Gutsy move.

• Jill Taylor : You told him? I can't believe it! I'm so... Tim, if I had wanted my advisor to know about the hysterectomy, I would have told him. How could you do this to me?

  Lillian Patterson : Well, honey, don't bite his head off.

  Jill Taylor : Mother, please! I don't need him to get me an extension. I don't need Wilson to tell me about menopause on the Mayflower! I don't need Heidi flaunting her perfect boobs in my face! And I most especially don't need Al comparing me to his bearded aunt! God!

  [storms off] 

  Tim Taylor : Let the mood swings begin.

• Lillian Patterson : Well, the Colonel was even worse when my mother went through it. She was living with us at the time. He walked in one day, saw her having a hot flash, did an about-face and volunteered to fight in the Korean War. I didn't see him again until 1957.

  Tim Taylor : Well, didn't the Korean War end in '53?

  Lillian Patterson : Yes!