Home Improvement (TV Series)

Desperately Seeking Willow (1998)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Quotes 

• Tim Taylor : [to Jill]  What are you still doing up? It's 2:00.

  Jill Taylor : Willow's still not back. What are you doing up?

  Tim Taylor : That Moroccan food was a bit spicy. That Marrakech Express has been running all night.

• Tim Taylor : Where do we keep the barium?

  Jill Taylor : Tim, put a cork in it.

  Tim Taylor : Well, there's an idea. Where do we keep the corks?

• Jill Taylor : Well, it's almost noon and Willow's not back. This is getting serious.

  Tim Taylor : You're right. That Healey's gonna need some oil.

• Jill Taylor : [to Tim]  Hi. Did you find out anything?

  Tim Taylor : I found that even though the Healey's an English car, I still miss it.

  Jill Taylor : No. Did you find anything out about Willow?

  Tim Taylor : Yes. I stopped by Just Herbs. It seems Willow has a thing for ginkgo biloba. According to her psychic, Janice, in a past life, Willow was Vincent Van Gogh.

  Jill Taylor : In other words, you found out nothing.

  Tim Taylor : No. I found out in a past life, I was Mary, Queen of Scots.

• Jill Taylor : Let's think. Assuming that Willow is okay, what would motivate her to stay out all night and not call? She wants attention, she's acting out. All of this is just a cry for help.

  Tim Taylor : Maybe there's another explanation. She's really inconsiderate.

• Tim Taylor : [about Willow]  She takes the car all night and doesn't bother calling. What's that about?

  Mark Taylor : I'm sticking with the big-hole theory.

• Jill Taylor : We haven't checked the clubs.

  Mark Taylor : We're going clubbing? All right!

  Jill Taylor : You can't go to the clubs. You're not old enough.

  Mark Taylor : Well, what am I supposed to do?

  Tim Taylor : Find a big hole and wait till you're 21.

• Tim Taylor : [to the bouncer]  Apparently, you don't know who I am. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

  Lance : And I'm Lance "I Hate Your Show" Smith.