Hogan's Heroes (TV Series)

Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London (1967)

Bob Crane: Col. Hogan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sgt. Schultz : Aw, you're nice, Col. Hogan. You might be my enemy but sometimes you're also my friend.

  Col. Hogan : Look at it this way, Schultz, if you got me as a friend, you don't really need an enemy.

• Col. Hogan : Don't blame me. I didn't know his arm was loaded.

• Col. Hogan : Guys oughta gimme a little notice when you're gonna do something decent.

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Really?

  Col. Hogan : Yeah. I faint very easily.

• LeBeau : Boy, I miss all the action.

  Col. Hogan : Stop complaining. This whole operation depends on you. You all set?

  LeBeau : Sure, I cook while everybody else fights a war.

  Col. Hogan : I'll see that de Gaulle gives you an oak leaf cluster and a Crêpe Suzette, now move.

• Capt. Roberts : I went on a recon mission along the French Coast. Got a look at their fortifications.

  Col. Hogan : That's when they got you.

  Capt. Roberts : Right. Two Messerschmitts came up and had a proper go at us and blasted our port engine. I had to bail out. I hadn't a prayer on the ground. They nabbed me straight away.

  Col. Hogan : How long were you in Stalag 9?

  Capt. Roberts : Oh, roughly two months I'd say. They behaved decently enough. Jolly strenuous.

  Col. Hogan : Interrogation?

  Capt. Roberts : Days of it. Weeks, in fact. They never gave me a moment of privacy. They took pictures of me... recorded my voice while they questioned me.

  Col. Hogan : Recorded your voice, why?

  Capt. Roberts : Haven't the foggiest, old boy. You know the way the kraut's are- sticklers for details, never miss a trick.

  Col. Hogan : Yeah, I know.

  [gets up from his chair and searches for a hidden microphone] 

  Capt. Roberts : What are you doing?

  Col. Hogan : Oh, nothing. Just stretching.

  [motions for Roberts to keep talking] 

  Capt. Roberts : Well, um, how are you getting on here at Stalag 13?

  Col. Hogan : [sarcastically]  Oh, deliriously happy.

  Capt. Roberts : I must say, it's rather a grubby looking place.

  Col. Hogan : I did ask for a POW camp on the French Riviera, but they couldn't get me a reservation. Seems they, uh, they were all full up for the season.

  Capt. Roberts : All full up for the season? Hmm. That's jolly good.

  [Col. Hogan finds a microphone hidden in the curtain puller] 

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : [eavesdropping on the conversation in his office]  Our little plan seems to be going very well.

  Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : Our little plan?

  Col. Wilhelm Klink : Ah, the Gestapo is most efficient, I always say.

  Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : Thank you, Klink. Now be quiet.

  Col. Hogan : Well, Robbie, I guess I'll be going along.

  Capt. Roberts : Well, awfully decent of you to stop by.

  Col. Hogan : I'll try to stop by again tomorrow if the krauts let me.

  Capt. Roberts : Jolly good.

  Col. Hogan : So long.

  [closes the door to make it seem like he's leaving. They quietly walk over to the microphone hidden in the curtain, and Col. Hogan covers it with his hand and shoulder] 

  Col. Hogan : Krauts are up to something big, and I think it may involve you. What'd they question you about at Stalag 9?

  Capt. Roberts : Everything. They know I'm Air Mashall staff, and that I attend briefings they give about Winston.

  Col. Hogan : Very convenient. They fell all over themselves, giving me permission to see you. And alone. Again, why?

  Capt. Roberts : That's anybody's guess.

  Col. Hogan : Time to stop guessing and find out.

  [carefully slides the microphone back in place] 

• Newkirk : Sir, we just can't let 'em have a shot at ol' Winnie.

  Col. Hogan : I'm with you, Newkirk.

  Newkirk : I mean, the war just wouldn't be the same without him.