- Brad O'Keefe: Our float's gonna be great!
- [Shows Lily the design drawing]
- Brad O'Keefe: See, we gave St. Patrick an animatronic arm, so he can beckon the snakes out of Ireland.
- Lily Finnerty: Oh, that's great! The only thing I don't see on the Dance Squad float is room for the Dance Squad to dance!
- Brad O'Keefe: [Looking at the drawing] I guess we could take out a couple of the snakes.
- Lily Finnerty: Or...
- [Grabs the drawing and scribbles on it]
- Brad O'Keefe: According to scale, that's a ninety-foot platform with no support.
- Lily Finnerty: Here.
- [Grabs the drawing again and scribbles on it again]
- Brad O'Keefe: Oh, you added a little wheel. Problem solved!
- Brad O'Keefe: That's the kind of publicity we need! I'll give you guys fifty bucks to put a Red Boot banner on your float.
- Henry Finnerty: [Dubious] I don't know if it will fit.
- Brad O'Keefe: Sure! Just do this!
- [Grabs the drawing and scribbles on it]
- Henry Finnerty: Great. An eighty-foot banner attached by a sqiggle!
- Jimmy Finnerty: [Reacting to a pinch] What is the matter with you?
- Bar patron: You're not wearing green.
- Jimmy Finnerty: [Snatching a badge from the pincher's chest and putting it on himself] There! Now are you happy? We can run around pinching people like morons!
- [Whirls around at another pinch to his butt]
- Jimmy Finnerty: I'm wearing gree... Ashley?
- Ashley: Hey, Jimmy!
- [Reads his badge]
- Ashley: "Kiss me, I'm Irish".
- [Kisses him on the mouth]
- Ashley: Sorry, I'm a little buzzed.
- Jimmy Finnerty: [Signalling to the bar] Another round!
- Sean Finnerty: [Trying to convince Claudia not to give up on the Red Boot Pub] Come on, babe! We can't give up just when the miracle is about to happen! This bar is ready to take off!
- Eddie Finnerty: It's virtually rat-free. That kind of thing gets around!
- Sean Finnerty: [Remonstrating with Jimmy for his lack of Irish spirit] St. Patrick's Day wasn't always celebrated in this town! When your great-grandfather came over, there were signs in the windows saying, "Irish need not apply". But did that stop him from applying for those jobs? NO! You know why?
- Eddie Finnerty: Because he was illiterate.
- Eddie Finnerty: Claudia, we have a problem in the ladies room: Code Vomit.
- Claudia Finnerty: That's a tough code to crack!
- Eddie Finnerty: I was trying to be delicate.
- Claudia Finnerty: Why don't *you* take care of it and I'll man the bar.
- Eddie Finnerty: Oh, I'm not good with vomit!
- Claudia Finnerty: And I am?
- Eddie Finnerty: Well, you have three kids. They must vomit and whenever I'm at your house, I don't see any. I really respect that!
- Sister Helen: [the crowd is booing St. Finnian's float] Why are they booing?
- Brad O'Keefe: St. Patrick's down to one finger and it's the bad finger!
- [Sister Helen turns around, horrified]
- Brad O'Keefe: What do we do now?
- Sister Helen: [Opening the car door] I'm outta here! I can't be associated with *that*!
- Brad O'Keefe: But I'm not insured to drive this thing!
- Sister Helen: The Lord will protect you.