- Sean Finnerty: Come on, Jimmy! Lighten up! You're gonna give us away!
- Jimmy Finnerty: I can't take it anymore! I feel like I'm getting an ulcer!
- Eddie Finnerty: Jimmy, at your age, it's probably intestinal parasites.
- Jimmy Finnerty: [Sean is trying to figure out how to cut Henry's hair] Isn't it easier to cut if it's wet?
- Sean Finnerty: Yes! Hand me that spray bottle, Ed.
- [Eddie hands Sean the bottle and he sprays Henry's hair]
- Henry Finnerty: [Shrieking, covers his eyes] Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Jimmy Finnerty: That's Windex!
- Lily Finnerty: It's totally sold out! How did you get these tickets?
- Eddie Finnerty: I know a guy.
- Lily Finnerty: You *always* know a guy! How many guys do you know?
- Eddie Finnerty: I know, like, 75 guys.
- Sean Finnerty: I'd rather have a barber mad at me than a wife.
- Walt Finnerty: Of course you would! You only get one haircut a year, ya dirty hippy!