- Ivan Buttinoff: [on casino payphone] Hello, hello, you must help me, my life is in danger.
- Trudy: [rushes into the Chief's office] Mr. Smart, there's a man on the phone who says his wife is a stranger.
- Zach Smart: Dad, the man who made that call last night was found murdered. His name was Ivan Buttinoff.
- Chief Maxwell Smart: Good work. How did you find out?
- Zach Smart: Deductive reasoning, a fanatical devotion to my craft and it was on the news last night.
- Zach Smart: Great disguise, 0.
- Agent 0: [disguised as a little old lady] Yeah, but look at these crowsfeet. I was going for weathered and bitter. These don't say weathered and bitter.
- Zach Smart: No, really 0, when I first saw you I said: Now there's a weathered and bitter person.
- Zach Smart: This gambling thing is risky...
- Agent 66: You were supposed to flash the cash, not lose the cash. Didn't you see me shaking my head?
- Zach Smart: You shake things all the time, suddenly it has significance?
- Agent 66: What I shake on my spare time has nothing to do with you. This shaking was work related.
- Agent 0: [disguised as Robert Goulet] I am not Robert Goulet, Chief, this is me, Agent 0.
- Chief Maxwell Smart: Agent 0? That's a brilliant disguise.
- [beckons him closer]
- Chief Maxwell Smart: Next time, try and learn the words, huh?
- Zach Smart: How'd you do it?
- Agent 66: I can make any man do anything at anytime.
- Zach Smart: Oh, I doubt that.
- Agent 66: Oh yeah? I just made you think of...
- [whispers something in his ear]
- Zach Smart: Oh, you're good!