Get Smart (TV Series)
School Days (1965)
Don Adams: Maxwell Smart
Photos
Quotes
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Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : When the moon is full, the tide is high.
Mrs. Green : You must want the spy school. That's next door.
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Agent 99 : You'll be in extreme danger every minute.
Maxwell Smart : ...and... loving it
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Hillary Gainsborough : Are you accusing me on this flimsy evidence?
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : No, I have some more flimsy evidence!
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Agent 99 : And best of all, Max, the security of our espionage school hasn't been violated.
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : That's right, 99, there's nothing more important than security, nothing. Why without security, none of us would be safe.
Man : Excuse me, is this Mrs. Green's house?
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : No, that's the spy school, Mrs. Green's house is over there.
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Hillary Gainsborough : Are you familiar with Karate?
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Are you kidding? Why, Karate happens to be one of my favorite hobbies. Why, with one perfectly timed chop of my hand I can break eight boards this thick, would you believe it, eight.
Hillary Gainsborough : I find that very difficult to believe.
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Would you believe seven?
Hillary Gainsborough : I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : How about a loaf of bread?
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Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : [posing as Alexander Loomis] New eh? And British. What was Micky Mantle's batting average in 1961?
Hillary Gainsborough : I eh, I don't know...
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Correct. Because if you did know, you'd be American, not British. A new trainee can't be too careful.
Dean Watson : Smart!
Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : No, Loomis.
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Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : This is a jokebook with every East Himalayan joke. All six of them.
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Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Well, there you have it, gentlemen, another wonderful theory down the drain.
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Maxwell Smart : Well, there was this East Himalayan traveling salesman, see, and his ox-cart broke down in front of a farm house. Well, he went up and he knocked on the door and the farmer opened the door. And the traveling salesman said: 'Oh oh oh hey, mahu, savali naaneh'. And the farmer replied: 'Aaka maaka soo soo'.
[laughs riotously]
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Maxwell Smart : An East Himalayan bum walked up to me on the street one day and said: 'Ana hoho uni, aha awahi tiki'. And I said - what's the punchline?
[points at Dimitri]
Dimitri : I said: 'Yehi tajo gurka hama'.
Maxwell Smart : [Max checks the punchline in the East Himalayan joke book and begins to chuckle] That's very funny Dimitri.