Get Smart (TV Series)

Diplomat's Daughter (1965)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Claw : Actually, the only girl we want is Princess Ingrid.

  Maxwell Smart : Then why did you abduct the others?

  The Claw : Unfortunately, Mr. Smart, all Americans look alike to us. We may be diabolical, but we are not perfect.

• The Claw : Very amusing, Mr. Smart. I suppose you can guess what they call me?

  [holds up right arm, with a large horseshoe magnet for a hand] 

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Lefty?

  The Claw : No, Mr. Smart. I am employed by KAOS. The international organization of evil. My name is The Claw!

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : The Craw?

  The Claw : No, not The Craw, The Claw!

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Ah yes, The Craw.

• Maxwell Smart : The old picture in the keyhole trick. That's twice this month!

• Chief of Control : Come in, 86. I've got a new assignment for you.

  Maxwell Smart : Right, Chief.

  Chief of Control : It's a kidnapping case.

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, good. Who do you want me to kidnap?

• Maxwell Smart : [speaking into his shoe phone]  Well, if you can't give me today's password, I'll accept the countersign or today's secret code number. My life may depend on it.

  Chief of Control : [on the other line]  Get in here, Max, or I'll personally tear you apart!

  Maxwell Smart : That's good enough for me Chief, I'll be right over.

• Chief of Control : I've written the location of your contacts on this piece of paper. Be sure to destroy it.

  Maxwell Smart : Right, Chief.

  [Max takes the piece of paper and immediately burns it] 

  Chief of Control : No, no, no, Max! First memorize it, then destroy it!

• Carleton : We've developed a new pair of shoes in the lab, 86. Notice the steel-enforced toes for kicking? And inside the heels, there are secret compartments containing our latest emergency pellets.

  Maxwell Smart : Can I see it in tan?

  Chief of Control : Show him the pellets, Carleton.

  Carleton : In the left heel compartment, there are two pellets. The smaller one is a concussion pellet. Now, if it's thrown up against something or activated by heat, it will blow a 10x15 foot room to smithereens.

  Chief of Control : Now, Max, do you know what this larger pill is for?

  Maxwell Smart : Larger rooms.

  Chief of Control : [rolls his eyes]  Max, KAOS does have ways of making a man talk. If you are captured and if it looks really tough, this may be your one ace in the hole. This pill, when swallowed, will bring painless death in about twenty seconds. Are there any questions?

  Maxwell Smart : How do I get them to take it?

  Chief of Control : Let's get on to the next pellet.

  Carleton : This... this pellet contains a very volatile liquid. When activated, it produces a thick protective smoke screen.

  Chief of Control : Now, I'm assigning Agent 99 to accompany you on this one, Max. The princess has a reputation of being a little bit wild, and I think it'll take both of you to watch her and keep her out of trouble.

  Maxwell Smart : [putting on the new shoes]  Yes, well, I'm raring to go, Chief, just as soon as I get this shoe on.

  [Max stands up and stomps his foot; smoke emanates from his shoe] 

  Maxwell Smart : Actually, Chief, I don't think I'll be needing the smoke pellet.

• Chief of Control : Turn in your shoes, Max. I think the wrist communicator will be more effective.

  Maxwell Smart : Gee whizz, Chief, I still have 16 message units left this month.

• Maxwell Smart : Wrong pill. I think I've just poisoned the room.

• Maxwell Smart : Yes, well, where would you like to go?

  Princess Ingrid : Your place...

  Maxwell Smart : My place. Well, there's no real historical, er, significance to my place.

  Princess Ingrid : Hmmm. there could be...

• The Claw : Have you ever heard of the Chinese bamboo stalks under the fingernails torture?

  Maxwell Smart : No, sounds pretty good, how does it work?

  The Claw : Chinese bamboo stalks under the fingernails. Bobo, execute the Chinese bamboo stalks under the fingernails torture.

  [the Claw screams and uses his teeth to pull out a bamboo stalk under one of his fingernails] 

  The Claw : Him, you fool, not me!

• Maxwell Smart : Well, 99, you're a woman, aren't you? What can we do to stop her?

  Agent 99 : How about a tranquilizer?

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, you know what I mean.

  Agent 99 : [Impersonating the princess]  Well, Maxie, darling, I think you've got to show her what a swinger you are, that you can do the frug and the watusi and the swim and the pony...

  Maxwell Smart : I know, I know. Just give me a good example.

  Agent 99 : But of course.

  Maxwell Smart : [99 starts dancing]  Okay, now give me a bad example.