Get Smart (TV Series)

Aboard the Orient Express (1965)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chief : [looking at slide # 4, a deceased Agent 85 aboard the Orient Express]  Your conclusion, 86?

  Maxwell Smart : Suicide, Chief.

  Chief : Suicide?

  99 : But Max, he was gassed!

  Maxwell Smart : Well, I don't know anything about his drinking habbits 99, but there's a suicide note on the floor.

  Chief : That's his ticket.

• 99 : [looking at slide # 5, a blond in a bikini]  Who is that?

  Maxwell Smart : George Robinson, Kaos agent, Hawaiian branch.

  99 : Fabulous disguise.

  Maxwell Smart : I saw through it in only one minute. Would you believe it? One minute.

  99 : I find that very difficult to believe.

  Maxwell Smart : Would you believe... two minutes?

  99 : I don't think so.

  Maxwell Smart : How about our fourth date?

• Maxwell Smart : I had to destroy the first message. Do you have a copy?

  Agent 44 : Well you know 86, secret message paper doesn't grow on trees...

• Maxwell Smart : Krochanska made a try for the briefcase.

  99 : Then you know who Krochanska is.

  Maxwell Smart : I'm almost positive, 99.

  99 : Who, Max?

  Maxwell Smart : It's somebody on this train.

  99 : Yes, but who?

  Maxwell Smart : The countess. Would you believe it? That lovely countess.

  99 : I find that very hard to believe.

  Maxwell Smart : The porter?

  99 : I don't think so.

  Maxwell Smart : The conductor.

  99 : No.

  Maxwell Smart : The engineer.

  99 : Uh-uh.

  Maxwell Smart : How about the dog?

  99 : Max!

  Maxwell Smart : Well, it's gotta be one of them, 99. There's nobody else left.

• Chief : Now this briefcase must be gotten to B12 somewhere in the Balkans.

  Maxwell Smart : Why it's beautiful, Chief, and it's real leather too. Do you think he'll like it.

  99 : Max, it contains a half million dollars.

  Maxwell Smart : He'll love it.

• Maxwell Smart : Oh yes, I remember now, a wrong key in this lock will set off an electrical charge of 5000 volts.

  Dr. Minelli : And of course, the noise will bring help running.

  Maxwell Smart : What noise?

  Dr. Minelli : Your screams.

• The Countess : [holds up a bottle of wine]  Bouchelet, 1957.

  Maxwell Smart : [holds up his paper cup]  Dixie cup, 1965.

• Ernst : [having been stabbed in the back]  Afraid I'm going to pack it in, old man.

  [slumps] 

  Maxwell Smart : [shakes his shoulder]  I say...

  Ernst : [looks up]  Hmm?

  Maxwell Smart : Who is Krochanska?

  Ernst : Don't think I'll live long enough to say... pity.

  [packs it in] 

• Maxwell Smart : Eh, I'm sorry about this mess, conductor.

  Train Conductor : It happens all the time on the Orient Express. You think this is bad, you should see compartment 13.

• The Countess : I am the Countess Rifchevsky.

  Maxwell Smart : I am the Maxwell Smart.

• Maxwell Smart : Remarkable thing about that dog, Chief. He was trained as a double agent, practiced thief, and a natural killer.

  Chief : What happened to him?

  Maxwell Smart : He was adopted by a nice family.

  99 : Lots of kids.