- William Shatner: I'm Slim Shady. Yes, I'm the real Slim Shady. All you other Slim Shadies are immitatin'. So, would the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up.
- Walter Koenig: How can anyone do a spoken word version of a rap song?
- Melllvar: He found a way.
- William Shatner: Then George, you could give them a karate chop.
- George Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I am of Japanese ancestry, you *assume* I know karate. Have I ever lead you to believe I have studied karate?
- William Shatner: Well, no, but you never talk about yourself.
- George Takei: [sadly] Well, maybe if you showed a little interest.
- Walter Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
- Fry: Say it in Russian.
- Walter Koenig: [groans] Ven ve voke up, ve had these wodies.
- Fry: [delighted] Eeeee! Now say "nuclear wessels".
- Walter Koenig: NO!
- Leonard Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed "Star Trek IV", I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
- William Shatner: And when I directed "Star Trek V", I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.
- George Takei: Do you guys have a self-destruct code, like, "Destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3... "
- [Bender's head explodes]
- Bender: Thanks a lot, Takei. Now everybody knows.
- Leela: For 25 Quatloos, which villain did Kirk strand on Ceti Alpha V?
- William Shatner: [stands up and shouts] KHAAAAAN!
- Fry: Uh... Khan?
- Leela: Correct.
- [Melllvar makes George Takei sign autographs]
- Melllvar: Make it out to Melllvar. That's Melllvar with three L's.
- George Takei: [crossly] I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
- Leela: You can't go to Omega 3. It's forbidden. I forbid you!
- Fry: But we have to. The world needs "Star Trek" to give people hope for the future.
- Leela: But it's set 800 years in the past.
- Bender: Yeah, why is it so important to you?
- Fry: Because it... it taught me so much. Like, how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female... But most importantly, when I had no friends, it made me feel like maybe I did.
- Leela: Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.
- Bender: I'll go too. With Leonard's permission, of course.
- [Leonard nods]
- Fry: Usually on the show, they came up with a complicated plan, then explained it with a simple analogy.
- Leela: Hmmm... If we can re-route engine power through the primary weapons and configure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.
- Bender: Like putting too much air in a balloon!
- Fry: Of course! It's all so simple!
- Star Trek Priest: ...And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship, where there would be no tribble at all.
- Fry: Mister Nimoy, I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.
- Leonard Nimoy: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
- Fry: You know. 1966? 79 episodes, about 30 good ones.
- Leonard Nimoy: Oh, really, I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry...
- Fry: Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?
- Leonard Nimoy: No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one man show about Vincent van Spock-- Uh, uh, I mean van Gogh! Damn!
- Fry: Aha! You can't escape it!
- Leonard Nimoy: [begins crying] You're right. I can't.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: The court will now hear some very sensual testimony from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela.
- Leela: Go...
- [beep]
- Leela: ...yourself.
- George Takei: You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: You mean the mass migration of Star Wars fans?
- Nichelle Nichols: No, that was the Star Wars trek.
- Leonard Nimoy: I feel like hugging you!
- William Shatner: Well, I would except you have no body.
- Leonard Nimoy: Ha, ha, ha.
- William Shatner: And we're both men.
- [Leonard Nimoy is introducing the cast of Star Trek]
- Leonard Nimoy: Nichelle, George, Walter, DeForest, Welshie...
- Fry: "Welshie"?
- Nichelle Nichols: We did some musical reunion specials in the 22-hundreds, but the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.
- Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
- Melllvar's Mother: He is not a child. He is THIRTY-FOUR!
- Melllvar: Well, I guess I could move out of my parents' basement... maybe get a temp job...
- Fry: Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.
- Melllvar: I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality I could have called you friend.
- Fry: [fondly] Episode 10. Balance of Terror.
- Melllvar: More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!
- [Melllvar flies away, laughing mockingly]
- Leonard Nimoy: Truly, it was a paradise.
- Fry: And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.
- [Beat]
- William Shatner: Let's get the hell out of here.
- Bender: Uh, can people who hate "Star Trek" leave?
- Walter Koenig: Good question!
- Melllvar: No, they have to stay even longer.
- [the Star Trek cast had to leave their bodies behind because the ship was too heavy]
- Fry: Look, Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes. Isn't that great?
- Leonard Nimoy: I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.
- Walter Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
- Fry: Say it in Russian.
- Walter Koenig: [groans] Ven we voke up, we had these wodies.
- Fry: [delighted] Wheeee. Now say "nuclear wessels".
- Walter Koenig: NO.
- [Fry is in a Captain Pike-style life-support machine]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Do you understand the charges?
- Kif Kroker: One beep for yes, two beeps for no.
- [Fry beeps once]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Yes, so noted. Do you plead guilty?
- [Fry beeps twice]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Double yes. Guilty.
- Leonard Nimoy: [after Melllvar makes him a new body] Hey! A body! Buff, tan... Yeah! This is mine all right.
- Leela: You can't go to Omega 3. It's forbidden. I forbid you.
- Fry: But we have to. The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future.
- Leela: But it's set 800 years in the past.
- Bender: Yeah, why is it so important to you?
- Fry: Because it... it taught me so much. Like, how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female...
- [Leonard Nimoy is introducing the cast of Star Trek]
- Leonard Nimoy: Nichelle, George, Walter, DeForest, Welshie...
- Fry: Welshie?
- Nichelle Nichols: We did some musical reunion specials in the 22-hundreds, but the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.
- [the Star Trek cast have been forced to participate in Melllvar's fan-written episode]
- Nichelle Nichols: [flatly] My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you.
- [Melllvar is struck by a beam from the Planet Express ship and screams in pain]
- Nichelle Nichols: [offended] Hey, you wrote it!
- Star Trek Preacher: ...And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship, where they would be no tribble at all.
- Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child...
- Melllvar's Mother: He is not a child. He is THIRTY-FOUR.
- [after Fry absconds with Leonard Nimoy's head in the Head Museum, the jar behind him slides forward revealing one of the stars of "Star Trek: The Next Generation", Jonathan Frakes]
- Jonathan Frakes: Yes! Front row.
- [grins]
- Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life! Look at Walter Koenig; after "Star Trek", he became an actor!
- Walter Koenig: [proudly] Not just an actor, but a well-rounded person, with my own friends and credit cards and keys.
- [in a fight to the death with Bender]
- Leonard Nimoy: Let's see if this actually works.
- [Nimoy attempts the Vulcan neck pinch on Bender. It doesn't affect him and Bender simply punches him out]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words from someone with a sexily, seductive voice.
- [Just as Nichelle Nichols is about to speak...]
- George Takei: With pleasure!