Futurama (TV Series)

A Fishful of Dollars (1999)

Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Smitty, Clerk, Commercial Announcers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fry : Do you take Visa?

  Clerk : Visa hasn't existed for 500 years.

  Fry : American Express?

  Clerk : 600 years.

  Fry : Discover Card?

  Clerk : Sorry, we don't take Discover.

• Turanga Leela : You're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy?

  Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth : Uh, what? Oh, yeah, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood...

• Announcer : Do you remember a time when chocolate chips came fresh from the oven? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

  Fry : Ah, those were the days.

  Announcer : Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain people weren't allowed on golf courses? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

• Walt : And if you need further proof that we are a thousand years in the past, here is contemporary actress Pamela Anderson.

  Pamela Anderson's Head : Hello, Fry. Remember me from "Baywatch: the Movie?"

  Fry : Huh?

  Pamela Anderson's Head : It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion.

  Walt : It hasn't been made yet.

  Pamela Anderson's Head : Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar?

  Walt : Nope.

  Pamela Anderson's Head : Crap!

• Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth : I'm sorry, Fry, but anchovies went extinct in the 2200s.

  Fry : Wha?

  Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth : Oh, my, yes. Fished out of existence... just about the time your people arrived on Earth, Dr. Zoidberg.

  Dr. Zoidberg : I'm not on trial here.

  Fry : So, none of you have ever had anchovies? Oh, man! You don't know what you're missing. They were salty and oily and melted in your mouth...

  Dr. Zoidberg : Okay, okay! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying one more couldn't hurt, and then they were gone! We're sorry!

• Leela : I don't get it, Fry. Who was Ted Danson, and why did you bid ten thousand dollars for his skeleton?

  Fry : I have an idea for a sitcom.

• Dr. Zoidberg : That stench. That heavenly stench!

  [Eats all the anchovies] 

  Dr. Zoidberg : More. More.

  Fry : There aren't any more, and there never will be.

  Dr. Zoidberg : [advances menacingly]  More! More! More! *More!*

• Turanga Leela : Fry, this isn't healthy. You're living in the past.

  Fry : I'm rich! I can live whenever I want!

  Turanga Leela : But we live here, in the year 3000.

  Bender : Yeah! Now, are you gonna come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk?

  Fry : Junk? Maybe you can't understand this, but I finally found what makes me happy, and it's not friends, it's things.

  Bender : I'm a thing.

• [Fry is serving pizza with anchovies] 

  Fry : Ok my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.

  Amy Wong : I don't know, I've had cow.

• Leela : Fry you can't spend all your time in the dark listening to classical music.

  Fry : I could if you didn't turn the lights on and turn off my stereo.

  Leela : Fry this isn't healthy, you're living in the past.

  Fry : I'm rich I can live whenever I want!

  Leela : But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.

  Bender : Yeah, now are you going to come to the squid fights with us, or sit here wallowing in your pre-historic junk!

  Fry : Junk? Maybe you can't understand this, but i finally found what i need to be happy, and it's not friends, it's things.

  Bender : I'm a thing...

  Leela : Fry please...

  Fry : *Shuts the door on his friends*

  Leela : My pony tail is caught in the door!

  Fry : I don't need them!

• Fry : Now, if you'll excuse me, it's eight o'clock. Time to get biz-zay.

  [listens to "Baby Got Back" on his stereo; Leela turns it off] 

  Leela : Fry, you can't just sit here in the dark and listen to classical music!

  Fry : I could've if you didn't turn on the lights and shut off the stereo!

• Mom : I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles. And I thought maybe I could help out a sweet, young man by buying his anchovies.

  Fry : Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale.

  Mom : What? Listen, you little bastard, I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me! How much do you want?

  Fry : You might as well put that checkbook away. Because I've discovered something even more important, my friends. And they aren't worth even a penny to me!

• Fry : Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford?

• Fry : So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams?.. But how is that possible?

  Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth : It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

  Fry : That's awful. It's like brainwashing.

  Leela : Didn't you have ads in the 20th century?

  Fry : Well, sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio, and in magazines, and movies, and at ball games, and on buses, and milk cartons, and T-shirts, and bananas, and written on the sky... But not in dreams.

• Mom : [TV advert]  Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand.

  Announcer : [behind the scene]  "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

• [Cut to: Fry's Dream. He is in a packed college classroom. An elderly teacher is stands at the front of the room, wearing frosted half-moon glasses and grey hair] 

  Teacher : Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam.

  Fry : Uh, excuse me? I missed a few lectures. What subject is this?

  Teacher : Ancient Egyptian Algebra.

  [She points to the blackboard, revealing it is filled with Egyptian hieroglyphs, Fry gasps] 

  Fry : What a nightmare!

  Teacher : Mister Fry, are those your briefs?

  [Fry gasps, after looking down to see he is only wearing white briefs, he stands up while the class points and laughs at him, much to his discomfort]