- Dr. Ross Geller: [Monica is trying to convince the gang that she can be irresponsible, random, and a "kook"] All right, you madcap gal, try to imagine this: the phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
- Monica Geller: Why not?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Because you're a 'kook'! Instead, you wait until they send you a notice.
- Monica Geller: [a little uncomfortable] I could do that.
- Rachel Green: Okay, okay, you let me go grocery shopping...
- Monica Geller: No problem!
- Rachel Green: I'm not done yet.
- Monica Geller: Oh.
- Rachel Green: *And... * I buy laundry detergent *But... * it's not the one with the easy-pour spout!
- Monica Geller: *Why would someone do that?*
- [she catches herself]
- Monica Geller: One might wonder... but I would be fine with that.
- Chandler Bing: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink. It's a hot day.
- [Monica begins to squirm, and Chandler goes in for the kill]
- Chandler Bing: Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
- Monica Geller: *Stop it!* Oh, my god... it's true. Who am I?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Monica... you're Mom.
- [Phoebe imitates screeching violins from "Psycho" and slashes air with imaginary knife]
- Joey Tribbiani: I'm his butt double. I play Al Pacino's butt, alright. He goes into the shower and then I'm his butt.
- Director: And Action!... and Cut! Hey butt guy, what the hell are you doing?
- Joey Tribbiani: I'm showering.
- Director: No, that was clenching.
- Joey Tribbiani: The way I see it, the guy's upset here ya know? I mean his wife's dead, his bother's missing. I think his butt would be angry here.
- Joey Tribbiani: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
- Rachel Green: Come on, she's a person. You can do it!
- Chandler Bing: Oh, please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
- Dr. Ross Geller: He can never get a woman like that in a million years.
- Chandler Bing: Thank you, buddy.
- Phoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, but you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys. You could be one of those guys.
- Rachel Green: [throws her arms up into the air to welcome them] Tah-dah!
- Chandler Bing: Are we greeting each other that way now? Because I like that!
- Aurora: [talking about her adventures] All of a sudden we realized we were in Yemen.
- Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, we is...?
- Aurora: We would be me and Rick.
- Chandler Bing: Who's Rick!
- [tries to sound calm:]
- Chandler Bing: Who's Rick?
- Aurora: My husband.
- Chandler Bing: Oh, so you're divorced?
- Aurora: No.
- Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm so sorry, you're widowed? Hopefully?
- Aurora: We're together, still married.
- Chandler Bing: So tell me, how do - how do you think your husband feel about you sitting here with me... sliding your foot so high up my pant-leg you can count the change in my pocket?
- Phoebe Buffay: [to Rachel] I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
- Chandler Bing: [to Rachel] Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out!
- Monica Geller: Guys, I am not that bad!
- Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you, you were like a little...
- [imitates screeching violins from Psycho]
- Monica Geller: That is so unfair!
- Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, come on, when we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!
- Chandler Bing: So how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me? Sliding your foot so far up my pant-leg you can count the change in my pocket.
- Joey Tribbiani: [appearing as Dr. Freud in tongue-in-cheek satire play, singing to lady patient:] All you want is to tinkle / but you envy the schwang / a thing through which you can tinkle / to play with / or simply let hang