- [first lines]
- Rachel Green: [caught bare-breasted by surprise] You just barge in here, you don't knock?
- [holding robe in front of her decolletage]
- Chandler Bing: Wait, wait!
- Rachel Green: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!
- Chandler Bing: Let me just say one thing...
- Rachel Green: What? What?
- Chandler Bing: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nippular area.
- Rachel Green: Oh!
- [runs off]
- [after Joey's mother comes by]
- Gloria Tribbiani: Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard this guy's excuses. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's". What is that?
- [commenting on his family's dysfunctional situation]
- Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my Ma, like she wanted. My Ma's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know, even though she does. And my little sister, Tina, can't see her husband anymore 'cause he's got a restraining order - which has nothing to do with anything, except, I found out today.
- Chandler Bing: Things sure have changed here on Walton's Mountain.
- Joey Tribbiani: I dont care how old you are as long as you're under my roof you only live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
- Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Ma, what're you doin' here?
- Gloria Tribbiani: I came here to give you these...
- [hands him a bag of groceries]
- Gloria Tribbiani: ...and THIS!
- [smacks him in the back of the head]
- Roger: Maybe you wanted your marriage with Carol to fail.
- Ross: No. Why would I why. No. Why.
- Roger: Siblings. You fail at something so your sibling will look better in the eyes of your parents.
- Ross: I don't think that Monica's failures...
- Monica: Oh, so I'm a failure now is that it? I'm a bigger failure than you, is that right?
- Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good.
- Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?
- Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing.
- Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong? C'mon.
- Phoebe Buffay: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.
- Roger: Oh. They don't.
- Phoebe Buffay: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
- Roger: What?
- Phoebe Buffay: Intense and creepy.
- Roger: Oh.
- Phoebe Buffay: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
- Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
- Phoebe Buffay: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
- Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behavior when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependent, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
- Joey Tribbiani: You know, they're parents. At a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you gotta let them make their own mistakes.
- Monica: Just think, in a couple of years, we get to turn into them.
- Chandler Bing: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blonde chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my Mom.
- Chandler Bing: [they have to share the bed, and Joey's restless] Hey, Kicky! What are you doing?
- Joey Tribbiani: Just trying to get comfortable. I'm not used to sleeping in my underwear.
- Chandler Bing: Well, you gonna.
- Rachel Green: [waitressing] Okay! You guys want anything else?
- Chandler Bing: Oh, yes! Can I have one of those...
- Rachel Green: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?
- Roger: Did I - Did I say something...
- Chandler Bing: Nah, she's still upset 'cause I saw her boobies.
- Ross: Huh, what? What did-? What were you doing seeing her boobies?
- Chandler Bing: It was an accident. It's not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of doughnuts.
- Rachel Green: Okay, okay, can we change the subject, please?
- Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, hello, these are not her 'boobies', these are her breasts.
- Rachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
- Chandler Bing: You know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed. They were very nice boobies.
- Rachel Green: Nice? They were 'nice'? I mean, that - that's it? I mean, mittens are 'nice'.
- Roger: What's wrong, Phoebs?
- Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing.
- Roger: No, what's wrong?
- Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
- [lies back, resting her head on his lap]
- Phoebe Buffay: It's... I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's just, uh, it's my friends. They... they have a liking problem with you... in that, uh, they don't.
- Rachel Green: [noticing Chandler staring at her chest] Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
- Chandler Bing: What?
- [looks up]
- Chandler Bing: What?
- Rachel Green: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?
- Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your pee-pee.
- Chandler Bing: You know, I don't see that happening?
- Rachel Green: Come on, he's right. Tit for tat.
- Chandler Bing: Well, I'm not showing you my 'tat'.
- Rachel Green: [ourside bathroom where she accidentally spied on Joey] You were supposed to be in there so that I could see your thing!
- Chandler Bing: Sorry, my thing was in there with me.
- Joey Tribbiani, Sr.: [Joey's Dad is trying to explain himself to his son.] Joe, your dad's in love, big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
- Joey Tribbiani: Oh, man, please tell me one of them is Ma.
- Joey Tribbiani, Sr.: Of course, course one of them's Ma. What's the matter with you?
- Joey Tribbiani, Sr.: [after Joey discovers that his dad has an affair.] Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.
- Joey Tribbiani: Sure. So how long have you been...?.
- Joey Tribbiani, Sr.: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the Navy yard and show you the big ships?
- Joey Tribbiani: [in shock] Since then?
- Joey Tribbiani, Sr.: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know I wasn't always such a terrible guy.