- Chandler: You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
- Joey: Where's my underwear?
- Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You took his underwear?
- Chandler: He took my essence.
- Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
- Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
- Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
- Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
- [Ross tries picking out a dress for Rachel]
- Ross: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
- Rachel: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.
- Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
- Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.
- [Rachel returns to her room]
- Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went camping.
- Ross: What?
- Chandler: [shyly] The sheep.
- Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time...
- Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole."
- Joey: Okay.
- [He gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave]
- Chandler: What are you doing?
- Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.
- Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair.
- Joey: THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE.
- Chandler: Oh-ho, he'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
- Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is: You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
- Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!
- Joey: Look at me - I'm Chandler! Could I *be* wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando!
- Chandler: Ugh UGH!
- Joey: Phew! I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any - you know - lunges!
- Chandler: [after seeing Phoebe physically tear a phone out of Monica's hands] Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?
- Chandler: [entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.
- Phoebe: [positions her Christmas arrangement to cover the stain on her dress as Monica runs into the room and over to the answering machine] Ross went to get a cab so we can all..
- [Monica starts dialling]
- Phoebe: [looks up] What are you doing? No Monica! No!
- [phone calls Richard's number and his recorded message answers]
- Dr. Richard Burke: [on the answering machine] Hi. This is Richard.
- [Monica enters a code and the recorded message stops]
- Answering Machine: You have 3 new messages.
- Monica Geller: [enters another code as Phoebe sits on the table] Not anymore!
- Answering Machine: Message list.
- [Monica enters another code]
- Answering Machine: To record a new message, begin speaking at the tone.
- Monica Geller: [picks up the phone] Hi Richard, it's Monica um, listen I-I did something kind of crazy tonight um.. maybe I'm getting my period or something I don't know. Anyway uh... I-I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that-that freaked me out and um.. You know what? Michele will tell you the rest. I-I-I-I'm sorry OK? And I hope that we can forget the whole thing. OK, bye.
- [Monica hangs and sighs in relief]
- Answering Machine: The Outgoing message has now been changed.
- Monica Geller: [shocked] Outgoing? Did that say *Outgoing*? Not Outgoing!
- [Monica quickly dials Richard's number and the message she meant to leave for Richard turns out to be the new recorded message on his answering machine]
- Answering Machine: [Monica's voice] Hi Richard, it's Monica um, listen I-I did something kind of crazy tonight um.. maybe I'm getting my period or something...
- [Monica and Phoebe looked shocked at each other]
- Monica Geller: [hastily pressing buttons on the machine] NO!
- Phoebe: How did you do that?
- Monica Geller: [incredulous] I don't know!
- Answering Machine: Goodbye.
- Monica Geller: [screams] NO!
- Ross: [enters the apartment, completely unaware of what's just happened] OK. OK. I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!
- Monica Geller: [quiet but frantic] Maybe we can call the Phone Company. Maybe they can change the message. Maybe they can change his number.
- Phoebe: [assuring] Yeah. I think after this, he'll be going that *himself*.
- Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I *be* wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
- Chandler: [to Joey] You know what? OK. Fine. Don't get up. You just sit right there. I hope you don't mind you know, my hand... right here!
- [Chandler puts his hand right in front of Joey's face, annoying him]
- Joey: Oh!
- Chandler: [moves his hand back and forth while mocking Joey] Oh, not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad!
- [Joey gets mad and flicks some of his hummus at Chandler, but it misses and lands on Phoebe's dress]
- Phoebe: [gets up] Oh my god! You rotten boys!
- [the guys back away]
- Chandler, Joey: Sorry Phoebe.
- Joey: I'm so sorry.
- Phoebe: [frantically examines the stain] What am I gonna do?
- Ross: No! No! Don't-don't rub it! Don't! What gets out hummus? What gets out hummus?
- [as he speaks, Ross claps his hands and Monica enters the room]
- Phoebe: [cries] Monica! Monica! You know what gets out hummus?
- Monica Geller: [pauses] If it *is* a new message, what is he calling to say?
- Phoebe: [sarcastically] OK. Thanks. Yeah, I'll try that!
- [after Phoebe's message, Monica's answering machine beeps again]
- Ross: [on the answering machine] Hi Rach'. Are you there? It's me. Pick up. Rachel? Rach'?
- Rachel: [exits her room as the message ends, thinking that Ross is actually calling to her] What?
- Ross: [pauses, looking smug at Rachel] Never mind.
- [after Ross's message, Monica's answering machine beeps twice]
- Dr. Richard Burke: [on the answering machine] Monica, it's Richard. Call me.
- [Monica looks startled and all the friends look at her]
- Monica Geller: [emotionally] I-is, is that message old or new?
- [no one says anything]
- Monica Geller: [shouts] OLD OR NEW? OLD OR NEW?
- Ross: [goes over to Monica as the other friends jump] It's old. It's *definitely* old. Didn't you-you hear the double beep?
- Monica Geller: [frantic] Well, what if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk! He could have something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?
- Chandler: Honey, you did call him back 'cause it's... it's really old.
- Ross: [comforts Monica] Yeah. See, Mon' listen. Listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing and you know what I did?
- Monica Geller: [emotionally] Huh?
- Ross: [assuring] I got dressed.
- [Ross kindly ushers Monica and Rachel into their rooms]
- Rachel: [exits her room carrying a knitted coat with buttons] You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a palaeontologist would wear?
- Phoebe: [happily] I don't know. You might be the first one.
- [Ross and Chandler quietly laugh]
- Monica Geller: [points to the answering machine] Rach' did you check the machine?
- Rachel: Uh, no. Wait, you know what? This is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Never mind.
- [Rachel giggles and goes back into her room with the outfit]