Friends (TV Series)
The One Where No One's Ready (1996)
David Schwimmer: Dr. Ross Geller
Photos
Quotes
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Joey : Where's my underwear?
Ross : Whoa, whoa, whoa. You took his underwear?
Chandler : He took my essence.
Ross : Okay, now hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey : Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross : Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey : It's a rented tux. Okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
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[Ross tries picking out a dress for Rachel]
Ross : Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
Rachel : Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.
Ross : Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
Rachel : Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.
[Rachel returns to her room]
Chandler : We used them as pillows when we went camping.
Ross : What?
Chandler : [shyly] The sheep.
Ross : Hey, what you do on your own time...
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Phoebe : [positions her Christmas arrangement to cover the stain on her dress as Monica runs into the room and over to the answering machine] Ross went to get a cab so we can all..
[Monica starts dialling]
Phoebe : [looks up] What are you doing? No Monica! No!
[phone calls Richard's number and his recorded message answers]
Dr. Richard Burke : [on the answering machine] Hi. This is Richard.
[Monica enters a code and the recorded message stops]
Answering Machine : You have 3 new messages.
Monica Geller : [enters another code as Phoebe sits on the table] Not anymore!
Answering Machine : Message list.
[Monica enters another code]
Answering Machine : To record a new message, begin speaking at the tone.
Monica Geller : [picks up the phone] Hi Richard, it's Monica um, listen I-I did something kind of crazy tonight um.. maybe I'm getting my period or something I don't know. Anyway uh... I-I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that-that freaked me out and um.. You know what? Michele will tell you the rest. I-I-I-I'm sorry OK? And I hope that we can forget the whole thing. OK, bye.
[Monica hangs and sighs in relief]
Answering Machine : The Outgoing message has now been changed.
Monica Geller : [shocked] Outgoing? Did that say *Outgoing*? Not Outgoing!
[Monica quickly dials Richard's number and the message she meant to leave for Richard turns out to be the new recorded message on his answering machine]
Answering Machine : [Monica's voice] Hi Richard, it's Monica um, listen I-I did something kind of crazy tonight um.. maybe I'm getting my period or something...
[Monica and Phoebe looked shocked at each other]
Monica Geller : [hastily pressing buttons on the machine] NO!
Phoebe : How did you do that?
Monica Geller : [incredulous] I don't know!
Answering Machine : Goodbye.
Monica Geller : [screams] NO!
Ross : [enters the apartment, completely unaware of what's just happened] OK. OK. I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!
Monica Geller : [quiet but frantic] Maybe we can call the Phone Company. Maybe they can change the message. Maybe they can change his number.
Phoebe : [assuring] Yeah. I think after this, he'll be going that *himself*.
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Chandler : [to Joey] You know what? OK. Fine. Don't get up. You just sit right there. I hope you don't mind you know, my hand... right here!
[Chandler puts his hand right in front of Joey's face, annoying him]
Joey : Oh!
Chandler : [moves his hand back and forth while mocking Joey] Oh, not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad!
[Joey gets mad and flicks some of his hummus at Chandler, but it misses and lands on Phoebe's dress]
Phoebe : [gets up] Oh my god! You rotten boys!
[the guys back away]
Chandler , Joey : Sorry Phoebe.
Joey : I'm so sorry.
Phoebe : [frantically examines the stain] What am I gonna do?
Ross : No! No! Don't-don't rub it! Don't! What gets out hummus? What gets out hummus?
[as he speaks, Ross claps his hands and Monica enters the room]
Phoebe : [cries] Monica! Monica! You know what gets out hummus?
Monica Geller : [pauses] If it *is* a new message, what is he calling to say?
Phoebe : [sarcastically] OK. Thanks. Yeah, I'll try that!
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[after Phoebe's message, Monica's answering machine beeps again]
Ross : [on the answering machine] Hi Rach'. Are you there? It's me. Pick up. Rachel? Rach'?
Rachel : [exits her room as the message ends, thinking that Ross is actually calling to her] What?
Ross : [pauses, looking smug at Rachel] Never mind.
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[after Ross's message, Monica's answering machine beeps twice]
Dr. Richard Burke : [on the answering machine] Monica, it's Richard. Call me.
[Monica looks startled and all the friends look at her]
Monica Geller : [emotionally] I-is, is that message old or new?
[no one says anything]
Monica Geller : [shouts] OLD OR NEW? OLD OR NEW?
Ross : [goes over to Monica as the other friends jump] It's old. It's *definitely* old. Didn't you-you hear the double beep?
Monica Geller : [frantic] Well, what if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk! He could have something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?
Chandler : Honey, you did call him back 'cause it's... it's really old.
Ross : [comforts Monica] Yeah. See, Mon' listen. Listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing and you know what I did?
Monica Geller : [emotionally] Huh?
Ross : [assuring] I got dressed.
[Ross kindly ushers Monica and Rachel into their rooms]
