Friends (TV Series)

The One Where No One's Ready (1996)

Matt LeBlanc: Joey Tribbiani

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey : Where's my underwear?

  Ross : Whoa, whoa, whoa. You took his underwear?

  Chandler : He took my essence.

  Ross : Okay, now hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?

  Joey : Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.

  Ross : Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?

  Joey : It's a rented tux. Okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.

• Joey : All right, they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.

  [takes a glass from the fridge] 

  Chandler : Taste it.

  Joey : [drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge]  Yep, it's fat. I drank fat.

  Chandler : Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.

• [Chandler fights with Joey over a chair] 

  Chandler : All right, fine, you know what? We'll both sit in the chair.

  [sits on Joey's lap] 

  Chandler : I'm soooo comfortable.

  Joey : Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.

  Chandler : All right.

  [jumps up] 

• Chandler : All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole."

  Joey : Okay.

  [He gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave] 

  Chandler : What are you doing?

  Joey : You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.

  Chandler : The cushions are the essence of the chair.

  Joey : THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE.

  Chandler : Oh-ho, he'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.

• Joey : Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is: You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.

  Chandler : Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!

  Joey : Look at me - I'm Chandler! Could I *be* wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando!

  Chandler : Ugh UGH!

  Joey : Phew! I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any - you know - lunges!

• Phoebe : [entering in an elegant yellow dress]  Hello.

  Ross : Hey.

  Joey : Whoa.

  Ross : Wow, hello. You look great.

  Phoebe : Thank you. I know, though.

• Joey : Wow, what a cool job.

  [Imitating the answering machine] 

  Joey : You have two new messages. Please pass the pie.

• Joey : Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I *be* wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...

• Chandler : [to Joey]  You know what? OK. Fine. Don't get up. You just sit right there. I hope you don't mind you know, my hand... right here!

  [Chandler puts his hand right in front of Joey's face, annoying him] 

  Joey : Oh!

  Chandler : [moves his hand back and forth while mocking Joey]  Oh, not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad!

  [Joey gets mad and flicks some of his hummus at Chandler, but it misses and lands on Phoebe's dress] 

  Phoebe : [gets up]  Oh my god! You rotten boys!

  [the guys back away] 

  Chandler , Joey : Sorry Phoebe.

  Joey : I'm so sorry.

  Phoebe : [frantically examines the stain]  What am I gonna do?

  Ross : No! No! Don't-don't rub it! Don't! What gets out hummus? What gets out hummus?

  [as he speaks, Ross claps his hands and Monica enters the room] 

  Phoebe : [cries]  Monica! Monica! You know what gets out hummus?

  Monica Geller : [pauses]  If it *is* a new message, what is he calling to say?

  Phoebe : [sarcastically]  OK. Thanks. Yeah, I'll try that!