Friends (TV Series)

The One Where No One's Ready (1996)

Courteney Cox: Monica Geller

Quotes 

• Phoebe : [positions her Christmas arrangement to cover the stain on her dress as Monica runs into the room and over to the answering machine]  Ross went to get a cab so we can all..

  [Monica starts dialling] 

  Phoebe : [looks up]  What are you doing? No Monica! No!

  [phone calls Richard's number and his recorded message answers] 

  Dr. Richard Burke : [on the answering machine]  Hi. This is Richard.

  [Monica enters a code and the recorded message stops] 

  Answering Machine : You have 3 new messages.

  Monica Geller : [enters another code as Phoebe sits on the table]  Not anymore!

  Answering Machine : Message list.

  [Monica enters another code] 

  Answering Machine : To record a new message, begin speaking at the tone.

  Monica Geller : [picks up the phone]  Hi Richard, it's Monica um, listen I-I did something kind of crazy tonight um.. maybe I'm getting my period or something I don't know. Anyway uh... I-I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that-that freaked me out and um.. You know what? Michele will tell you the rest. I-I-I-I'm sorry OK? And I hope that we can forget the whole thing. OK, bye.

  [Monica hangs and sighs in relief] 

  Answering Machine : The Outgoing message has now been changed.

  Monica Geller : [shocked]  Outgoing? Did that say *Outgoing*? Not Outgoing!

  [Monica quickly dials Richard's number and the message she meant to leave for Richard turns out to be the new recorded message on his answering machine] 

  Answering Machine : [Monica's voice]  Hi Richard, it's Monica um, listen I-I did something kind of crazy tonight um.. maybe I'm getting my period or something...

  [Monica and Phoebe looked shocked at each other] 

  Monica Geller : [hastily pressing buttons on the machine]  NO!

  Phoebe : How did you do that?

  Monica Geller : [incredulous]  I don't know!

  Answering Machine : Goodbye.

  Monica Geller : [screams]  NO!

  Ross : [enters the apartment, completely unaware of what's just happened]  OK. OK. I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!

  Monica Geller : [quiet but frantic]  Maybe we can call the Phone Company. Maybe they can change the message. Maybe they can change his number.

  Phoebe : [assuring]  Yeah. I think after this, he'll be going that *himself*.

• Chandler : [to Joey]  You know what? OK. Fine. Don't get up. You just sit right there. I hope you don't mind you know, my hand... right here!

  [Chandler puts his hand right in front of Joey's face, annoying him] 

  Joey : Oh!

  Chandler : [moves his hand back and forth while mocking Joey]  Oh, not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad! Not touching! Can't get mad!

  [Joey gets mad and flicks some of his hummus at Chandler, but it misses and lands on Phoebe's dress] 

  Phoebe : [gets up]  Oh my god! You rotten boys!

  [the guys back away] 

  Chandler , Joey : Sorry Phoebe.

  Joey : I'm so sorry.

  Phoebe : [frantically examines the stain]  What am I gonna do?

  Ross : No! No! Don't-don't rub it! Don't! What gets out hummus? What gets out hummus?

  [as he speaks, Ross claps his hands and Monica enters the room] 

  Phoebe : [cries]  Monica! Monica! You know what gets out hummus?

  Monica Geller : [pauses]  If it *is* a new message, what is he calling to say?

  Phoebe : [sarcastically]  OK. Thanks. Yeah, I'll try that!

• [after Ross's message, Monica's answering machine beeps twice] 

  Dr. Richard Burke : [on the answering machine]  Monica, it's Richard. Call me.

  [Monica looks startled and all the friends look at her] 

  Monica Geller : [emotionally]  I-is, is that message old or new?

  [no one says anything] 

  Monica Geller : [shouts]  OLD OR NEW? OLD OR NEW?

  Ross : [goes over to Monica as the other friends jump]  It's old. It's *definitely* old. Didn't you-you hear the double beep?

  Monica Geller : [frantic]  Well, what if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk! He could have something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?

  Chandler : Honey, you did call him back 'cause it's... it's really old.

  Ross : [comforts Monica]  Yeah. See, Mon' listen. Listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing and you know what I did?

  Monica Geller : [emotionally]  Huh?

  Ross : [assuring]  I got dressed.

  [Ross kindly ushers Monica and Rachel into their rooms] 

• Rachel : [exits her room carrying a knitted coat with buttons]  You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a palaeontologist would wear?

  Phoebe : [happily]  I don't know. You might be the first one.

  [Ross and Chandler quietly laugh] 

  Monica Geller : [points to the answering machine]  Rach' did you check the machine?

  Rachel : Uh, no. Wait, you know what? This is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Never mind.

  [Rachel giggles and goes back into her room with the outfit]