Frasier (TV Series)
Match Game (2004)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Photos
Quotes
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Charlotte : You looked at my client log?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, I've looked at your log, and I've dated every toad on it!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [on trying a matchmaker] So I gave her the money and I filled out the questionnaire.
Roz Doyle : You fudged a little bit on your answers, right?
Dr. Frasier Crane : No, of course not. Why would I?
Roz Doyle : Because nobody's honest on those things. There's a code people use. Like "mature" means old, "athletic" means flat- chested, and, uh... oh, "not model thin" means circus fat.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Charlotte, where's my date?
Charlotte : I am so sorry. She just called, she had to cancel.
Dr. Frasier Crane : That does it.
Charlotte : No, we'll find another evening.
Dr. Frasier Crane : No, Charlotte, we will not. You have sent me on enough miserable dates, thank you. Before you fix me up with a doll-collecting war criminal, or a hashish-smoking burger flipper, I want out!
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Dr. Niles Crane : You're doing fairly well by this matchmaker.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, hardly. A monkey throwing darts at the Seattle phone book would find me a better mate.
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Charlotte : I am thirty-five years old, and I am living with my mother! How pathetic is that?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I... I've seen worse.
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[Charlotte is depressed about living with her mother]
Dr. Frasier Crane : For what it's worth, it will get easier living with her.
Charlotte : Is that your professional opinion?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Actually, it's a personal one. My dad lives with me.
Charlotte : No.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Mmm-hmm, eleven years.
Charlotte : Yikes.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yeah, it does take a while to adjust to each other before you're perfectly in sync.
Charlotte : How long did that take?
Dr. Frasier Crane : I'll let you know.
[They laugh]
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Charlotte : I will mail you a check tomorrow!
Dr. Frasier Crane : I'll save you the price of a stamp, I'll see you at your office first thing in the morning!
Charlotte : Fine! I'd say, "come alone," but that's a given.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [on a matchmaking date] Would you like some wine?
Teen Date : Nah, the cops took my fake I.D., and my dad'll kill me if I get busted again. So what are you, like fifty?
Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier has poured himself a big glass of wine] Something like that.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Peanut butter and carrots? Well, somebody's pregnancy cravings are kicking in.
Dr. Niles Crane : I know, I just can't help myself.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles! Couvade syndrome?
Dr. Niles Crane : We just call it love.
