- Bishop Brennan: What brings me here? Well I suppose the company. Or the fresh air? Or the view from my window of the big pile of sludge? But top of the list would be the matter of you kicking me up the arse!
- Father Dougal: [reading newspaper] Ted, you're not going to believe it! Clint Eastwood's been arrested for a crime he didn't - oh, wait, it's a film.
- Father Ted Crilly: [Ted worried about his upcoming forfeit] I was just thinking about my next parish. Bishop Brennan is always threatening to send me somewhere unpleasant, and this time I think he just might go through with it. You see... I'm going to kick him up the arse.
- Father Ted Crilly: Let's get some sleep.
- [lights turn off but it is still bright]
- Father Ted Crilly: It's morning. We must have talked all night. Still at least we've got a few hours before...
- [alarm clock goes off]
- Father Ted Crilly: Good thing I set a little early so we'll have time to get ready for...
- [door bell rings]
- Father Ted Crilly: [whines] Oh God!
- Bishop Brennan: [Dougal mis-addressing Bishop Brennan] Don't call me "Len", you little prick! I'm a bishop!
- Father Dougal: Oh right.
- [pause]
- Father Dougal: Well done.