- The Exalted Muskrat: Congratulations, Brother Mackie, this has been a night that will live in Muskrat history.
- Linda Hayden: Jesse Valesquez, you are dynamite!
- Fred: I ain't Jesse Valesquez, but I am dynamite.
- [kisses her hard on the lips]
- Jesse V. Valesquez: Well, can you fix it?
- Fred: Yeah, if it's broke, I'll fix it. If it ain't broke, I'll break it. Then I'll fix it.
- Christopher Donlon: Once you get your weenies squirming on the grill, it's time to confront your eggs. Trouble is getting these little cowards out of their shell.
- Patrick Becket: Freeze, mister! That's no way to treat an egg.
- [gasps]
- Patrick Becket: A-and you're murdering these weenies!
- Miltie Horowitz: Face it, Jess you screwed up. I mean every decision you made today was a mistake. You're a walking disaster, a jinx. A total loser.
- Jesse V. Valesquez: All right ok, that's enough.
- Miltie Horowitz: But look on the bright side: you're over the hump. Miltie's law. Eventually somethings gotta go right.
- Jesse V. Valesquez: I can't wait.
- Mr. Shorofsky: I didn't know you were a lighting expert?
- Mr. Dyrenforth: Give me a farnell, and a couple of barn doors and a snoot and I'm a happy man! Back at Pen State, I lit all the shows. They used to call me Rainbow, King of the Gels.
- Mrs. Berg: Rainbow?
- Patrick Becket: [to Jillian] Did you really think you could go home to him like this? You know dad, he shoots first and he asks questions later.