Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (TV Series)

Clear and Presidente Danger (1996)

Jason Alexander: Eric Duckman

Quotes 

• Eric Duckman : [giving his inauguration speech]  Today, I come to you with a vision. A vision not only for exploiting my high office for personal gain, but of a shining island country where the common man is king. Where people will longer live under the boot of a dictatorial mad man who makes you adhere to his every whim. I think I'll call it: Duckmania, and whoever doesn't like it will die an ugly and painful death!

  [audience cheers] 

  Eric Duckman : In my first hundred days, I pledge to wipe out the annoyances that blight your pitiful existence. And so I present to you my contract with Duckmania: An end to car alarms that talk, the supermarket carts with jiggly wheels, and to people who put cute messages on their answering machine.

  [audience cheers] 

  Eric Duckman : And to music videos which feature the band instead of sweaty, half naked girls to really hairy guys in public swimming pools. Furthermore, Duckman outlaws all babies in movie theaters, and Duckman outlaws all people who refer to themselves in the third person.

  [audience cheers] 

  Eric Duckman : Possession of a leaf blower? Unconstitutional. Fat women wearing spandex? Five to ten, no parole. And public exhibition of an Adam Sandler movie? Lethal injection.

  [audience cheers]