The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Uncle George (1963)

Rose Marie: Sally Rogers

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : D'you think Mrs. Glimscher would like a mustache?

  Sally Rogers : No, I don't think so. She keeps shaving hers off.

• Rob Petrie : Herman, I wanna give you this straight: we brought your mother here to introduce her to a man.

  Herman Glimscher : A man?

  Sally Rogers : Mm.

  Herman Glimscher : Who?

  Laura Petrie : Well, it's Rob's Uncle George. He's visiting here form Danville and he wanted to meet some nice lady.

  Sally Rogers : And we couldn't find any, so we invited your mother.

• Uncle George : [long and protractedly]  Hellooooo, little golden dove!

  Sally Rogers : [mimicking]  Hellooooo, big silver bird.

• [Rob and Buddy and Sally try to think of where they could find an elderly lady for Rob's widowed Uncle George to settle down with] 

  Rob Petrie : What about your Aunt Agnes?

  Sally Rogers : Oh, no. You know what Aunt Agnes says about men.

  Rob Petrie : No.

  Sally Rogers : "Man is like the drifting snow. It comes down in small flurries and piles up against the door, and before long you can't get out of the house."

• Herman Glimscher : Please, please, keep your voices down.

  Rob Petrie : Are we shouting?

  Herman Glimscher : No, but Mother's got marvelous ears. She hears everything.

  Sally Rogers : Mm, I think she's got transistors in her teeth.

• Sally Rogers : Listen, you invite Herman and me to dinner tonight and she'll be there.

  Rob Petrie : How can you be so sure she'll be there?

  Sally Rogers : How can I be so sure? Listen, Herman was in the army, she joined the WACs just to be close to him, didn't she? She goes everywhere with him.

• Rob Petrie : My Uncle George is in town from Danville and he's going looking for a new wife. He wants me to go out and find him a single girl.

  Sally Rogers : Well, you're lookin' at the king of the single girls.

  Rob Petrie : He needs a girl who's single and mature.

  Sally Rogers : Awww, thanks, Rob

  Buddy Sorrell : Mature, hey, how about my mother-in-law? She's so mature, she can hardly stand up.

  Rob Petrie : Your mother-in-law is married.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah, but I'm sure my father-in-law would gladly step aside.

  Sally Rogers : Hey Buddy, didn't your mother-in-law have a twin sister?

  Buddy Sorrell : I hope not!