- [as the manager exits, he reminds Mel to talk to Rob]
- Rob Petrie: What are you supposed to talk to me about?
- Mel Cooley: Oh, well, it's, uh, private, Rob.
- Buddy Sorrell: Private? I know. He wants to steal their hair, and he wants you to drive the getaway car.
- [first lines]
- [Rob, Sally, and Buddy escape into a rehearsal room, while being pursued by a mob of screaming teenaged girls]
- Rob Petrie: [successfully diverting the throng by yelling] The Redcoats have gone backstage!
- [the girls run off]
- Buddy Sorrell: Oh boy!
- Rob Petrie: Do you think the Redcoat craze is just a publicity stunt?
- Buddy Sorrell: I haven't heard screaming like this since I told my wife my mother was comin' for a visit.
- Buddy Sorrell: Boy, if I had funny hair like that and no talent, I could have made a million.
- Sally Rogers: Yeah? You do, you don't, and you didn't, so shut up.
- Freddie: You see, we promised not to get any sleep till we became rich and famous.
- Rob Petrie: Well, you ARE rich and famous.
- Freddie: Oh? Goodnight.
- [the boys fake instant sleep]
- Rob Petrie: [poking fun of Mel's elaborate cloak-and-dagger-like tactics for getting Fred & Ernie to Rob's house] Well, uh, what's the, uh, password, Mel?
- Mel Cooley: Paul Revere.
- Rob Petrie: [flabbergasted and doing a double take] You're kidding!
- Laura Petrie: Rob, I want to tell you something, and you're probably going to say it's childish and immature and female, but, Rob, I'm just dying to tell somebody they're here.
- Rob Petrie: Uh-huh. That's childish AND immature.
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, yeah...
- Rob Petrie: But it's not female. I feel exactly the same way. Like if I could just tell Jerry. Anybody!
- Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, I'd just like to tell EVERYBODY.
- Rob Petrie: That's female.
- Laura Petrie: Gee, I don't now how I'm gonna handle Millie though. She's just gonna hate me for not telling her.
- Rob Petrie: Well, you can blame me, honey. Tell her I threatened you or something.
- Laura Petrie: No. She knows that doesn't stop me.
- Freddie: The song is one that was recorded by Chad and Jeremy, who are friends of ours back in England. They're very close to us, you might say.
- Mel Cooley: You can't tell Laura that they're coming!
- Rob Petrie: Don't you think her curiosity will be aroused when they sit down to dinner with us?
- Rob Petrie: It's, uh... , one o'clock.
- Laura Petrie: No it isn't. It's eleven.
- Rob Petrie: I know, but just SAY it's one o'clock. We've been standing here arguing for two solid hours now, and I've... say you... I've finally given in.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, good, darling That's the kind of argument I like.
- Rob Petrie: [as Laura rushes to the telephone] What are you gonna do?
- Laura Petrie: I'm going to call Millie and tell her to hold tomorrow morning open.
- Rob Petrie: [leading her away to bed] Come on.
- Laura Petrie: Why?
- Rob Petrie: You can't call her now. It's one o'clock in the morning.