The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Impractical Joke (1965)

Rose Marie: Sally Rogers

Quotes 

• Sally Rogers : [to a guest]  You want some chopped liver?

  Buddy Sorrell : Sally, will you stop hostessing?

  Sally Rogers : All right. I'm out of it.

  Mel Cooley : I am, too.

  [to Sally] 

  Mel Cooley : I'll eat your liver.

• Sally Rogers : Well, you just ruined my coffee.

  Buddy Sorrell : And I don't think you're gonna be too choked up about what happened to your prune danish, either.

• Rob Petrie : I brought a little peace offering. There you are. All for you, Mrs. Jelly's donuts. They're all yours.

  Buddy Sorrell : You think I'm going to open that box?

  Rob Petrie : Buddy, I told you last night. I'm not going to do anything, honest, I mean it.

  Buddy Sorrell : I don't believe you.

  Rob Petrie : Alright.

  [opens box] 

  Rob Petrie : What are those?

  Sally Rogers : Jelly donuts.

  Buddy Sorrell : They look like jelly donuts, but they're probably full of Chinese mustard.

  Rob Petrie : Oh boy. Alright, I'll prove it to you

  [picks up a donut and takes a bite] 

  Rob Petrie : Delicious.

  Buddy Sorrell : Sure, that's the good one. The other two got the poison in them.

  Rob Petrie : Sal, would you test one for the king, please?

  Sally Rogers : Going off my diet for you, but okay.

  [picks up a donut and takes a bite] 

  Sally Rogers : Mmm, very good.

  Rob Petrie : There.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah, those two are alright, that one's the poison one.

  Rob Petrie : Boy-oh-boy, alright, see

  [picks up the last donut and takes a bite] 

  Rob Petrie : Delicious. Now, am I your friend?

  Buddy Sorrell : What kind of friend are you? You bring me three jelly donuts and you eat 'em yourself.

• Sally Rogers : Don't you know that wiretapping is illegal?

  Phil Franklin : Ahh!

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, if you don't turn us in, nobody'll know.

• Buddy Sorrell : Come on, let's be fair. If I know something's coming, I'll worry, but if I don't know, I'll go nuts.

  Rob Petrie : [smiling, with a smirk]  Oh?

  Sally Rogers : Congratulations, General Custer. You just sold some guns to the Indians.

• Sally Rogers : The phone company's probably gonna come out and tear out my area code!