The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Impractical Joke (1965)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : What're you laughin' at?

  Laura Petrie : I just got a picture of you standing on the lawn screaming like a chicken.

• Rob Petrie : I brought a little peace offering. There you are. All for you, Mrs. Jelly's donuts. They're all yours.

  Buddy Sorrell : You think I'm going to open that box?

  Rob Petrie : Buddy, I told you last night. I'm not going to do anything, honest, I mean it.

  Buddy Sorrell : I don't believe you.

  Rob Petrie : Alright.

  [opens box] 

  Rob Petrie : What are those?

  Sally Rogers : Jelly donuts.

  Buddy Sorrell : They look like jelly donuts, but they're probably full of Chinese mustard.

  Rob Petrie : Oh boy. Alright, I'll prove it to you

  [picks up a donut and takes a bite] 

  Rob Petrie : Delicious.

  Buddy Sorrell : Sure, that's the good one. The other two got the poison in them.

  Rob Petrie : Sal, would you test one for the king, please?

  Sally Rogers : Going off my diet for you, but okay.

  [picks up a donut and takes a bite] 

  Sally Rogers : Mmm, very good.

  Rob Petrie : There.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah, those two are alright, that one's the poison one.

  Rob Petrie : Boy-oh-boy, alright, see

  [picks up the last donut and takes a bite] 

  Rob Petrie : Delicious. Now, am I your friend?

  Buddy Sorrell : What kind of friend are you? You bring me three jelly donuts and you eat 'em yourself.

• Rob Petrie : [shouting]  I THINK I MUST HAVE BROKEN SOMETHING...!

  [no longer shouting] 

  Rob Petrie : Oh, I think I broke my spleen.

• Laura Petrie : [entering to find Rob blowing on the bottom of their telephone]  What are you doing now?

  Rob Petrie : Uh, blowing on the phone, honey.

• Buddy Sorrell : Come on, let's be fair. If I know something's coming, I'll worry, but if I don't know, I'll go nuts.

  Rob Petrie : [smiling, with a smirk]  Oh?

  Sally Rogers : Congratulations, General Custer. You just sold some guns to the Indians.

• Rob Petrie : In the meantime, would you try to convince Mr. Fear here he has nothing to fear but himself.

• Rob Petrie : [limping]  Oh, he got on the elevator and I busted my leg on a lady.

• [Buddy Sorrell asks Phil Franklin to call Rob Petrie's telephone number, to start a prank phone call. After Phil calls Rob answers, but asks the caller to stay on hold, temporarily] 

  Phil Franklin : Is this New Rochelle-6-9970?

  Rob Petrie : Yes. Who is this?