The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Foul Weather Girl (1963)

Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : You know, you sound exactly like one of those wives in a situation comedy.

  Laura Petrie : I'm sorry, Rob. You're right. It... I don't think that you are interested in her. I'm sure you're not. I trust you. I realize that a handsome man like yourself is bound to attract a certain number of coquettish women, and I want you to know I understand this. And if Miss Leighton feels it's necessary to attempt a flirtation with you, I'm not going to be one of those screaming, nagging wives. I'll merely go up to her and quietly kill her. Dinner is ready.

  Rob Petrie : Honey, come here.

  [He hugs her but Laura stands rigidly] 

  Laura Petrie : My vegetables are burning!

• Jane Leighton : Oh, my. What a lovely home you have.

  Laura Petrie : Thank you. Won't you sit down?

  Jane Leighton : Thank you. Oh, if I had known Rob would do THIS well, I might have said yes to him when he proposed to me.

  Laura Petrie : Rob, uh, proposed to you?

  Jane Leighton : At least twenty times.

• Laura Petrie : Well, if you'll excuse me, Miss Leighton, I have a roast in the bathtub and my son's in the oven.

• Laura Petrie : Oh, and, Miss Leighton, if you'd like something to read, there's some coffee on the magazine table.

• Laura Petrie : I'm saying that you should do whatever you feel is right, but bear in mind what I feel, because what I feel is a woman's feelings - something you couldn't possibly feel. And whenever you feel, you feel because of your feelings, which are a man's feelings, and... I don't know what I'm talking about, so do what you want and don't bother me.

• [Out of nervousness, Rob grinds pepper into one of the cooking pots] 

  Laura Petrie : I was right. Little Janey IS a homewrecker.

  Rob Petrie : What? A homewrecker? Why... Honey, what did she do?

  Laura Petrie : [pouring out the cooking pot contents]  Well, she started by ruining our chocolate pudding.

• Rob Petrie : Now, come on, Honey. You know very well that Jane doesn't mean anything to me. I knew her in high school; I never could find anything about her that attracted or interested me.

  Laura Petrie : [sarcastic]  Aww. Well, maybe if you spend a little time with her and look hard enough, you'll find something.

  Rob Petrie : Laura, she is an OLD FRIEND.

  Laura Petrie : She carries her age beautifully.

• Rob Petrie : [as he heads out to meet Jane]  Honey, what will YOU do this evening?

  Laura Petrie : Oh, slam doors, mumble, throw things. I'll keep busy. Good night, Mr. Ziegfeld!