The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Talk to the Snail (1966)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Quotes 

• Sally Rogers : Alan, uh, how'd you find out about Claude Wilber?

  Alan Brady : Wilber's dummy told my dummy.

  Rob Petrie : Jellybean called Mel? I'm sorry, Mel.

• Rob Petrie : Now, Herman Glimscher will forgive you if you're a few minutes late.

  Sally Rogers : That's fine, except I'm going out with Douglas Bedlork.

  Rob Petrie : Who's that, a new fella?

  Sally Rogers : Yeah, brand new. I don't think he's ever been used before.

  Buddy Sorrell : You know somethin', those second-hand guys that look like new can't be trusted.

• Rob Petrie : Honey, don't start with new fingers. We're using mine.

• Rob Petrie : Bake some brownies.

  Laura Petrie : Why?

  Rob Petrie : Honey, when they hear news like that, they're gonna want a good, stiff drink.

  Laura Petrie : Rob, Buddy and Sally don't drink.

  Rob Petrie : I know it, so you better have some brownies to offer 'em.

• Rob Petrie : I didn't know you were bringing someone.

  Sally Rogers : I didn't. I brought Doug.

• Buddy Sorrell : Wait a minute. What kind of a leader are you?

  Rob Petrie : The weak, silent type.

• Jellybean : I... I like your style.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, thank you. I admire your... antenna.

  Jellybean : Oh, well, then grab one and shake.

• Rob Petrie : How do you look casual with tears in your eyes?

• Rob Petrie : We're not in any trouble. According to a very well-known authority, a handshake with a snail is not legally binding.

  Sally Rogers : Oh, yeah? Who said that?

  Rob Petrie : Walt Disney.