- Rob Petrie: Oh, no. Don't tell me we're gonna have another one of those arguments where I have to guess what it is.
- Rob Petrie: A little nippy out tonight.
- [Laura refuses to answer]
- Rob Petrie: A little nippy IN tonight.
- Rob Petrie: Uh, Honey, the, uh, mortgage payment is due tomorrow. Is it all right if I pay it?
- Laura Petrie: Why do yo ask?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, well, I didn't want you to think I wanted the bank to fall in love with me.
- Rob Petrie: Boy, you give a woman her own way and she'll start chipping away at your faults, one by one, and the first thing you know, you're perfect!
- Pickles Sorrell: I'll have some cafe au lait only, um, make mine black.
- Buddy Sorrell: Pickles, cafe au lait is... is coffee with milk. In French, "lait" means milk.
- Pickles Sorrell: So?
- Buddy Sorrell: So you ordered coffee au lait black - that's coffee with milk only without the milk.
- Pickles Sorrell: Well, I like to try different things. I don't think there's anything wrong in that.
- Buddy Sorrell: [to others] Sometimes I look at her and wonder, and other times I just look.
- Jerry Helper: Say, uh, Rob, does Laura really have a headache or is she mad at you?
- Rob Petrie: Both, and how did you know?
- Jerry Helper: Just wishful thinkin'.
- Rob Petrie: Whadda you mean "wishful thinking?" You want Laura to be mad at me?
- Jerry Helper: Sure. Millie's mad at me, and I hate to think I've got the only rotten marriage in the neighborhood.
- Rob Petrie: If people are gonna like you, they're gonna like you whether you give them anything or not.
- Ritchie Petrie: I never gave Ellen anything.
- Rob Petrie: That's right. Ellen likes you, doesn't she?
- Ritchie Petrie: No... She loves me. She wants to marry me.
- Ritchie Petrie: Can I have my breakfast?
- Rob Petrie: You sure can. What do you want? How about eggs?
- Ritchie Petrie: A banana.
- Rob Petrie: A banana? Okay, but why a banana?
- Ritchie Petrie: That's the only thing you cook as good as mommy.