The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

My Husband Is a Check-Grabber (1963)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : Oh, no. Don't tell me we're gonna have another one of those arguments where I have to guess what it is.

• Rob Petrie : A little nippy out tonight.

  [Laura refuses to answer] 

  Rob Petrie : A little nippy IN tonight.

• Rob Petrie : Uh, Honey, the, uh, mortgage payment is due tomorrow. Is it all right if I pay it?

  Laura Petrie : Why do yo ask?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, well, I didn't want you to think I wanted the bank to fall in love with me.

• Rob Petrie : Boy, you give a woman her own way and she'll start chipping away at your faults, one by one, and the first thing you know, you're perfect!

• Jerry Helper : Say, uh, Rob, does Laura really have a headache or is she mad at you?

  Rob Petrie : Both, and how did you know?

  Jerry Helper : Just wishful thinkin'.

  Rob Petrie : Whadda you mean "wishful thinking?" You want Laura to be mad at me?

  Jerry Helper : Sure. Millie's mad at me, and I hate to think I've got the only rotten marriage in the neighborhood.

• Rob Petrie : If people are gonna like you, they're gonna like you whether you give them anything or not.

  Ritchie Petrie : I never gave Ellen anything.

  Rob Petrie : That's right. Ellen likes you, doesn't she?

  Ritchie Petrie : No... She loves me. She wants to marry me.

• Rob Petrie : When women go to lunch, nobody picks up the check.

• Ritchie Petrie : Can I have my breakfast?

  Rob Petrie : You sure can. What do you want? How about eggs?

  Ritchie Petrie : A banana.

  Rob Petrie : A banana? Okay, but why a banana?

  Ritchie Petrie : That's the only thing you cook as good as mommy.