- Laura Petrie: Darling, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times - I'm a woman.
- Rob Petrie: [after Laura exits] I better write that down.
- Rob Petrie: Look, all Mel said was there's a change in the show. Maybe the charge'll make you happy.
- Buddy Sorrell: Yeah? The only charge'd make ME happy 'ould be the firing of all hairless producers that look like potbellied penguins.
- Rob Petrie: Buddy, would ya... would ya save the insults, please?
- Buddy Sorrell: What for? He's here now.
- Sally Rogers: Let's go to a real crowded restaurant and maybe they'll start a nasty rumor about us. Ha-ha.
- Ric Vallone: Hey, I could use the publicity.
- Sally Rogers: [to Rob and Buddy] Hey, listen, fellas, if you don't hear from us in a week, mind your own business.
- Buddy Sorrell: Boy, I can't wait'll I get home. Pickles is fixin' my favorite tonight - canned soup.
- Buddy Sorrell: [suggestively] Heeeey... Dootle-lee dootle-lee do do do.
- Rob Petrie: What do you mean dootle-lee dootle-lee do do do?