- Laura Petrie: How's your headache?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I took a couple of aspirins. It's all gone except for the pain.
- Rob Petrie: I've got to go back to the office and tell Buddy and Sally I lost the script, and I want you with me.
- Laura Petrie: Me? Why?
- Rob Petrie: Because they won't hit me in front of my wife.
- Mel Cooley: [about Buddy] You know the trouble with him? One day he's here, and the next day he's here.
- Sally Rogers: Boy, I'm telling you, Buddy, that's what I like about you. Through thick and thin, you're never there.
- Hobo #2: Hey, hey, hey, fella. You, got a little somethin' for a needy bum?
- Rob Petrie: [mistaking the guy for his contact] I sure have. You want me to put the money in the garbage can?
- Hobo #2: Oh, you'd really like to take away my last shred of dignity, wouldn't you?
- Rob Petrie: When Mel comes in here, I want to take the blame.
- Buddy Sorrell: No, no, come on, come on. We'll ALL take the blame. We'll... we'll each take fifty percent of the blame.
- Sally Rogers: That's three halves there.
- Buddy Sorrell: So forget my half.
- Mel Cooley: [seeing a bum leave the office] Who was THAT?
- Buddy Sorrell: Mel, that's you in two years.
- Rob Petrie: That script's worthless to you.
- Main Hobo: Oh I don't know. Maybe I'll get some of my friends and do a show in the park.