- Ross Harper: I saw a lot of cars in front of Mr. Sanderson's house. What's going on?
- Kate Harper: It's very sad news. Mr. Sanderson died.
- Brian Harper: He was getting on in years. Still, it's always a shame.
- Ross Harper: I'll bet. It must be unsettling when someone in your generation passes on.
- Brian Harper: He was 87.
- Kate Harper: We will all miss Mr. Sanderson.
- Ross Harper: Oh, I'll miss him. All those days after school I'd cut across his lawn, he'd see me, smile, blast me with his fire hose.
- Kate Harper: You remember how he used to dress up for the children at Halloween?
- Ross Harper: Yeah, in a ball gown.
- Brian Harper: Heard he was buried in it.
- Kate Harper: It's very sad when a neighborhood changes. I think everybody hates to see a part of the past disappear.
- Eileen Swift: Hello, everybody! Isn't it wonderful? Your neighbor died!
- Kate Harper: Eileen, how about a little respect for the deceased?
- Ross Harper: Mom, he was buried in a ball gown.
- Brian Harper: Okay, we need to put the dollhouse away. It's almost nap time.
- Molly: But we're having fun! We're playing family and I'm the mommy!
- Trevor: And I'm the daddy!
- Blake: And I'm the Roto-Rooter man!
- Brian Harper: We DEFINITELY need to put the dollhouse away!
- Kristin Carlson: I can't stay with Emily. My roommate has been in a terrible weaving accident!
- Brian Harper: Weaving accident?
- Kristin Carlson: Oh, her hair got caught in a loom. Now I have to take her and the loom to the trauma center.
- Kate Harper: Well, you better go right now. I hope your roommate's alright.
- Kristin Carlson: Oh, I do too. This isn't the first time it's happened. I have told her so many times, "Don't drink and weave!"
- Kate Harper: Ross, Kristin just had an emergency and she can't babysit for us tonight. We're just about to go to our dinner.
- Ross Harper: Mom, Stiv and I have tickets to a concert. 10,000 Maniacs.
- Brian Harper: Well, they'll just have to make due with 9,999 maniacs.
- Eileen Swift: Brian, Kate, can I borrow your vacuum cleaner? There are some dead leaves on my lawn I need to suck up.
- [Eileen babysits Emily]
- Brian Harper: If she should cry...
- Eileen Swift: Oh Brian, I am not a complete doofus! I know what to do when a girl cries.
- Kate Harper: How would you know?
- Eileen Swift: I make my secretary cry five times a day! And when she does, I just buy her a new blouse, tell her she's lost weight and she's as good as new.
- Eileen Swift: How was the concert?
- Ross Harper: Oh, it was fairly standard. We booed the opening act and they left in tears. How'd babysitting go?
- Eileen Swift: Well, where shall I start? Uh, my workmen quit on me, my important papers got smeared with paint and your parents hate me.
- Ross Harper: Oh, went better than I thought.
- Eileen Swift: Oh you guys, I feel like such a jerk. I mean, ever since I bought that house, I haven't been myself. You know, I've been short-tempered and self-centered and abusive and deceptive and... Actually, I have been myself, but I feel bad about it.
- Brian Harper: Eileen, what's the big deal? I mean, you saw a funeral, you got excited, you took advantage of grieving relatives and you renamed our baby. This sort of thing happens all the time.
- Eileen Swift: Yeah, I guess you're right. You know, I'm always my worst critic!
- Kate Harper: No, you're not.
- Eileen Swift: Buying a house is a big step for me. I mean, people like me don't have houses. Grownups have houses! Ozzie and Harriet, Ward and June, Batman and Robin!
- Brian Harper: Technically, I believe they had a cave.