- Brent LeRoy: [about his hair] I'm going bald, Hank. These things are like lemmings.
- Hank Yarbo: Lemmings go bald?
- Lacey Burrows: Lemmings follow each other off cliffs and jump to their deaths.
- Hank Yarbo: Just 'cause they're going bald?
- Lacey Burrows: [re: Brent and his baldness] Hank, he's cracking jokes about it.
- Hank Yarbo: Those aren't jokes. Those are humourous cries for help. I mean, sure, yeah, on the outside he's all Clowny the Clown, but on the inside he's in pain. He's like Painy the Clown.
- Lacey Burrows: Painy the Clown?
- [She imagines a children's party entertained by Painy the Clown]
- Parent: Sorry, Painy, but you're the worst clown we've ever seen. You're fired.
- [Painy tweaks the parent's nose]
- Parent: OW! ... See? This is what I'm talking about!
- Karen Pelly: So how did Florence die, anyway?
- Wanda Dollard: Oh, uh, she died of a rare disease called Almost 100.
- Davis Quinton: Good old natural causes!
- [Karen and Wanda glare at him]
- Davis Quinton: Very sad.
- [Wanda has bought an odd-looking lamp]
- Wanda Dollard: It's a Roger Featherstone. The value of this stuff went through the roof after he went blind in 1903.
- Hank Yarbo: I think he made this one in 1904.
- Wanda Dollard: Because you and your nine Metallica tee shirts know a lot about style?
- Brent LeRoy: [about going bald] This stinks. Like I don't have enough face east to west, now it's pushing northward.
- Lacey Burrows: Well, maybe you could grow a beard and bolster the south.
- Wanda Dollard: [about the lamp she bought at auction] This piece is in original condition. It's worth 1,500 bucks. Guess how much I paid for it? Come on, guess how much!
- Brent LeRoy: I'm going to guess less than 1,500, or you wouldn't be this excited.
- Wanda Dollard: 40 bucks! I would have gotten it for 35, but Karen yawned and the auctioneer thought she made a bid.
- Lacey Burrows: Don't let gossipy geese get your goat.
- Brent LeRoy: I'm going to need a second with that one.
- Fitzy: [meeting Lacey and Brent after Lacey has treated Brent's hair with some new shampoo] Hey Lacey. Heya, Curly, nice quaff.
- Emma Leroy: [after Hank rewires the lamp] It's worthless now!
- Wanda Dollard: You knew it was a Featherstone! Ah, I can't believe I fell for that smalesy-granny crap!
- Emma Leroy: Wait. You knew it was worth money, and you still tried to keep it from me?
- Wanda Dollard: I have a weird thing for elephants.
- Emma Leroy: You were going to rip me off.
- Wanda Dollard: You were going to rip me off!
- [they pause, glaring at each other, then Wanda laughs]
- Wanda Dollard: Gees, you're a crafty old broad.
- Emma Leroy: [also smiling] I swear, you're more like me than my own son!
- [they hug]
- Hank Yarbo: So... you're not going to fight then?
- Emma Leroy: Not with each other.