Clone High (TV Series)

A Room of One's Clone: The Pie of the Storm (2003)

Will Forte: Abe Lincoln, Narrator

Quotes 

• Announcer : Previously on a very special Clone High: This is a really long episode so I am going to go fast. Joan likes Abe. Abe's dating Cleo. It's a crazy love triangle. Let's start the show.

• Announcer : Next time, on a very special Clone High: The whole thing's a freakin' rock opera! Starring Jack Black! Wanna see more? Watch the friggin' show! It's free buddy. I'm drunk.

• Abe : So how's the conflict? Mediated? Hello?

  [Short pause] 

  Abe : Dinger!

  Cleopatra : Abe get down! DOWN! Joan went crazy after we divided to room. She's like a monkey in every way.

  Abe : [Joan does a Tarzanesque swing from the top of the bed and starts throwing things at Cleo.]  I didn't expect that you two would divde the room horizontially.

  Cleopatra : Bunkbeds Abe! Think! Ugh!

  Cleopatra : [Cleo flings her false eyelashes at Joan and they stick in the wall beside Joan's head]  YANKEE GO HOME!

  Abe : I think what Cleo is trying to say is that she would be more respectful of Joan if she...

  Joan of Arc : DIE DIXIE SLUT!

  Abe : I think Joan brings a good arguement to the table.

  [Joan and Cleo continue to throw things at each other] 

  Abe : That's it Joan in the north and Cleo in the south hear me when I say a bedroom divided cannot stand on its own.

  Abe : [Joan and Cleo throw flaming containers at each other which mistakenly hit Abe in his face after which he plummets out the two storey window into Cleo's swimming pool. He gurgles]  Storm's a brewin'.

• Abe : How are my two favourite girls?

  Joan of Arc : Abe remind me. Do you like Cleo because she's conceited or because she's a whore?

  Abe : [laughs]  Ho! Ho! Ho!

  Cleopatra : And Abe remind me. Is Joan your best friend because of some elaborate joke or because of sympathy.

  Abe : [laughs]  Ho! Ho! Ho!

• Marie Antoinette : [unenthused]  Welcome to the Grassy Knoll. Try our new smoothie with pomagranate juice.

  JFK : Can I try that with melons? And Coconuts?

  Gandhi : Can I have some yams?

  JFK : Hey get your own jokes. The booby bit is MINE!

  JFK : Can I have some "cans" of milk.

  Gandhi : Yeah and some "jugs" of cream.

  JFK : Alright you just brought yourself a knuckle massage!

  [Crowd begins to chant fight] 

  Abe : A fight? Guys? GUYS? My conflict mediation seminar taught us how to reslove conflict.

  JFK : [JFK punches Gandhi in the chin]  I've got your "berries" right here and by berries I mean my foot in your berries.

  [Spits] 

  JFK : Pun thief.

  Joan of Arc : I never thought hell could be this pink.

  Cleopatra : [opens up a drawer in her jewelry box]  You can put your stuff in here. If we're going to share a room I need you to sign this.

  [produces a form] 

  Cleopatra : It's a non-disclosure agreement. It phrohibits you from discussing such things as my pre-morning make-up face and my mid-moring bowel movement.