- [Buffy and Spike are engaged after a spell goes wrong]
- Buffy Summers: Spike and I are getting married.
- Xander Harris: How? What? How?
- Rupert Giles: Three excellent questions.
- Buffy Summers: Oh... honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be "William the Bloody" or just Spike... 'cause either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.
- Spike: Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance.
- Buffy Summers: What's wrong with "Buffy"?
- Rupert Giles: Oh, such a good question.
- [Giles is blind, Xander is a demon magnet, and Buffy and Spike engaged while under Willow's spell]
- Buffy Summers: She did a spell.
- Rupert Giles: Yes. To have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.
- Buffy Summers: And you were both affected! I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.
- Xander Harris: Yeah, right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
- Buffy Summers: Xander!
- Spike: That's it. You're off the usher list.
- Spike: [chained to Giles' bath] Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll...
- Rupert Giles: You'll do what? Lick me to death?
- Spike: Well, I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.
- [everyone looks at Buffy]
- Buffy Summers: That was the spell.
- Willow Rosenberg: Really. No offense intended. I mean, you've been super nice and everything but... I don't wanna be a demon. I-I just wanna go back and help my friends.
- D'Hoffryn: That is your answer?
- Willow Rosenberg: It-It is.
- D'Hoffryn: I'm sorry to hear that... Oh, well. Here is my talisman. You change your mind, give us a chant.
- Buffy Summers: You know what? I don't think you want us to let you go. Maybe we made it a little too comfy in here for ya.
- Spike: Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinkin' pig's blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rate huge in the Zagat's guide.
- Buffy Summers: You want something nicer...? Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
- Rupert Giles: Oh, please.
- Spike: Giles, make her stop.
- Rupert Giles: [walking out] If those two don't kill each other... I might lend a hand.
- Anya: Giles is blind?
- [Xander starts waving his hand in front of Giles' face]
- Rupert Giles: Stop... whatever you're doing. You-You smell like Fruit Roll-Ups.
- Spike: [to Buffy] What are you lookin' at?
- Buffy Summers: [to Spike] The man I love.
- [they start kissing]
- Xander Harris: Can I be blind, too?
- Rupert Giles: Spike, we have no intention of killing a harmless, um, creature. But we-we have to know what's been done to you. We-We-We can't let you go until we're sure that you're-you're impotent or...
- Spike: Hey!
- Rupert Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're-you're...
- Buffy Summers: Flaccid?
- Spike: You are one step away, missy.
- Buffy Summers: Giles, help. He's gonna scold me.
- Xander Harris: Jeez. You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh.
- Anya: I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquefy his entrails for her.
- Xander Harris: That's sweet.
- [first lines]
- [Riley has just hung a "Lesbian Alliance" banner]
- Riley Finn: Looks good.
- [sees Buffy]
- Riley Finn: Hey, Buffy.
- Buffy Summers: Is there something you wanna tell me?
- Riley Finn: What.
- [Buffy looks pointedly at the banner]
- Riley Finn: Oh.
- [chuckles]
- Riley Finn: Yes. I am a lesbian.
- Buffy Summers: Well it's good that you're so open about it.
- Willow Rosenberg: Did Buffy tell you about the beer? 'Cause...
- Giles: Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything.
- Willow Rosenberg: Oh. Well, forget the beer part then.
- Giles: Happily.
- D'Hoffryn: You have much anger and pain. Your magic is strong, but your pain... it's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your call.
- Willow Rosenberg: I'm sorry. I-I'll try for a... quiet rage.
- Buffy Summers: It's just... different, you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight. That's kind of a new venue, Buffy-wise. And the best part... he said that he would bring all the food, so all I have to do is show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at.
- Willow Rosenberg: So, he's nice?
- Buffy Summers: Very, very.
- Willow Rosenberg: And there's sparkage?
- Buffy Summers: Yeah. He's... Have you seen his arms? Those are... good arms to have.
- Buffy Summers: Seeing Angel in LA... even for 5 minutes... Hello to the pain.
- Willow Rosenberg: The pain is not a friend.
- Spike: I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks.
- Buffy Summers: Oh, make a move. Please. I'm *dying* for a good slay.
- Buffy Summers: Ohh... there's so much to decide... ceremony, guests, reception.
- Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.
- Buffy Summers: How about a daytime ceremony in the park?
- Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the Big Pile of Dust.
- Buffy Summers: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight only.
- Spike: A warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again, you're registering as Mr and Mrs Big Pile of Dust.
- Buffy Summers: top it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke.
- Riley Finn: Hey, Buffy... What's up?
- Buffy Summers: Riley, look. Aren't they beautiful?
- Riley Finn: Uh... yeah. They're nice. A little dressy, maybe, for school, but...
- Buffy Summers: Riley.
- Riley Finn: Buffy.
- Buffy Summers: I really like you. I hope you know that you mean a lot to me. And if things were different...
- Buffy Summers: Different than what?
- Buffy Summers: I want you to promise me that we can always be friends. And I'd really like you to be there on the day.
- Riley Finn: The day when...
- Buffy Summers: The wedding.
- Riley Finn: The wedding. What wedding?
- Buffy Summers: My wedding. I'm getting married. Can you believe it?
- Riley Finn: I don't think "no" is a strong enough word.
- Buffy Summers: I know! It's crazy. I mean, we fought for all these years and then... sometimes you just... look at someone, and... you know. You know?
- Riley Finn: No.
- Buffy Summers: I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt about each other.
- Riley Finn: Can we start again?
- Buffy Summers: You'll really like him. Well... nobody really likes him.
- Riley Finn: I just need to clear a few things up.
- Buffy Summers: I don't even really like him.
- Riley Finn: Buffy.
- Buffy Summers: But... I love him... I do.
- Riley Finn: Wow. Uh... who is this guy? Does he go here?
- Buffy Summers: Spike? Oh, no. He's totally old.
- Riley Finn: Old.
- Buffy Summers: Well... not as old as my last boyfriend was.
- [last lines]
- Buffy Summers: No. It's just I saw that fear in your eyes when you caught me looking at wedding dresses and I *had* to give you a hard time.
- Riley Finn: I did not have fear in my eyes.
- Buffy Summers: Yes, you did. You were looking at me like I was a cartoon ball and chain.
- Riley Finn: So you decided to tell me you're getting married.
- Buffy Summers: Uh-huh.
- Riley Finn: So... you're insane.
- Buffy Summers: Uh-huh.
- Riley Finn: But you're still single.
- Buffy Summers: Yes.
- Riley Finn: Okay then. Just another little piece of the Buffy puzzle.
- Buffy Summers: You really have a lot to learn about women, Riley.
- Riley Finn: You're gonna teach me.
- D'Hoffryn: The pain and suffering you brought upon those you love has been inspired. You are ready to join us here in Arashmaharr.
- Anya: I'd been dumped. I was miserable. Doing a few vengeance spells. Boils on the penis. Nothing fancy.
- Xander Harris: Please skip ahead.
- Anya: D'Hoffryn got wind of me. He offered to elevate me.
- Buffy Summers: Meaning?
- Anya: They made me a demon.
- Riley Finn: Well, hey, you know we were talking about having a picnic? I was thinking. Do you ever hang out at Ruggs Field...? It's beautiful there. Usually not that crowded, either. I thought maybe we could have a little spread. Sandwiches, maybe some ants. Could be fun.
- Buffy Summers: We were talking about having a picnic?
- Riley Finn: Oh... So, was that a conversation we actually had, or one I was just practicing?
- Buffy Summers: Practicing?
- Riley Finn: Okay. Yes. I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an oral exam.
- Buffy Summers: Boy. That's just what every girl longs to hear.
- Riley Finn: Well, you're tricky.
- Xander Harris: [yells upstairs] That's okay, Mom. We don't need any more snacks.
- Anya: I liked those Fruit Roll-Ups.
- Xander Harris: Shush. I though she'd never clear out. Besides, just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of Love.
- [pauses]
- Xander Harris: Okay, that was gross.
- Riley Finn: I never know how you're gonna react to something... That's why I like you so much. You're a mystery... Probably every beautiful girl in the world has some jerk tellin' her she's a mystery, but... I swear... you really are... There's a lot about you that needs puzzling out.
- [Buffy just stares at him]
- Riley Finn: I lose you somewhere?
- Buffy Summers: Right around... "beautiful."
- [talking about Riley]
- Buffy Summers: I really like him. I do.
- Willow Rosenberg: But?
- Buffy Summers: I don't know... I really like being around him, you know, and I think he cares about me. But... I just... feel like something's missing.
- Willow Rosenberg: He's not making you miserable?
- Buffy Summers: Exactly... Riley seems so solid... like... he wouldn't cause me heartache.
- Willow Rosenberg: Get out. Get out while there's still time.
- [Willow is making chocolate-chip cookies]
- Anya: How long are you going to keep making these?
- Willow Rosenberg: Oh... until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now.