Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

I, Robot... You, Jane (1997)

Nicholas Brendon: Xander Harris

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Willow Rosenberg : The one boy that's really liked me, and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?

  Buffy Summers : It doesn't say anything about you.

  Willow Rosenberg : I mean, I thought, I was really falling...

  Buffy Summers : Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I moved here turned out to be a vampire.

  Xander Harris : Right. And the teacher I had a crush on: giant praying mantis.

  Willow Rosenberg : [smiling]  That's true.

  Xander Harris : Yeah, it's life on the Hellmouth.

  Buffy Summers : Let's face it. None of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.

  Xander Harris : We're doomed.

  Willow Rosenberg : Yeah.

  [the three of them laugh half-hardheartedly, but eventually stop, wondering if that is actually true] 

• Jenny Calendar : You here again? You kids really dig the library, don't ya?

  Buffy Summers : We're literary.

  Xander Harris : To read makes our speaking English good.

• Xander Harris : I mean, sure he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student.

  Buffy Summers : You are.

  Xander Harris : Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?

  Buffy Summers : I get your point... I get your point! Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old, or... he could be a circus freak. He's probably a circus freak!

  Xander Harris : Yeah, I mean, we read about it all the time. Y'know, people meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show, horrible ax murder.

  Buffy Summers : Willow ax murdered by a circus freak... Okay, okay, what do we do?

• Willow Rosenberg : Xander, you wanna stay and help me?

  Xander Harris : Are you kidding?

  Willow Rosenberg : Yes, it was a joke I made up.

• Buffy Summers : [about Willow]  She certainly looks perky.

  Xander Harris : Yeah, color in the cheeks, bounce in the step... I don't like it. It's not healthy. So, are you going to the Bronx tonight? Oh, you're probably not, you probably have some vampire-slaying or some lame endeavour like that, don't you?

  [scoffs bitterly] 

  Xander Harris : Everyone deserts me.

  Buffy Summers : [with laughter in her voice]  Check out the jealous man!

  Xander Harris : What are you talking about?

  Buffy Summers : You're jealous.

  Xander Harris : Of what?

  Buffy Summers : Willow's got a thing, and Xander's not the thing.

  Xander Harris : Oh, that's meaningless drivel. I'm not interested in Willow.

  [shakes his head] 

  Buffy Summers : Yeah, but you got used to being the belle of the ball.

• Rupert Giles : [carrying heavy tome]  Does this look familiar to either of you?

  Buffy Summers : Yeah, sure. Looks like a book.

  Xander Harris : I knew that one.

  Rupert Giles : In the Dark Ages, the souls of demons were sometimes trapped in certain volumes. They remained locked within the book, harmless. Unless the pages were read aloud. Unless I'm mistaken, this is Moloch, the Corruptor. A very deadly and seductive demon. He draws people to him with promises of love, power and knowledge. He preys on impressionable minds.

  Xander Harris : Like Dave's?

  Rupert Giles : Dave and who knows how many others.

  Buffy Summers : And Moloch is inside that book?

  Rupert Giles : Not anymore.

  [the pages are blank] 

  Xander Harris : You released Moloch?

  Buffy Summers : [with sarcasm:]  Way to go!

  Rupert Giles : I didn't read it. That dreadful Calendar woman found it, and - and it all went blank.

  Buffy Summers : Okay, so a powerful demon with horns is walking around Sunnydale, and nobody's noticed?

  Xander Harris : If it's so big and strong, why bother with Dave? I mean, why didn't he just attack Buffy himself?

  Rupert Giles : I don't know. And I don't know who'd have read that book, it wasn't even in English.