- [last lines]
- Spike: What's this? Sittin' around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot. It's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What? Can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her. She is the Chosen One, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and Christmas. Right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!
- Xander Harris: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're lookin' for, we're facing an apocalypse.
- Spike: [excitedly] Really? You're not just sayin' that?
- Xander Harris: I hate to break it to you, O Impotent One, but you're not the "Big Bad" anymore. You're not even the "Kind of Naughty." You're nothing but a waste of space. My space. And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum, and as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something... You're not even worth it.
- Buffy Summers: [to Riley] I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now... I'm the Slayer... Slay-er. Chosen One. She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries...? You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer, comma the.
- Rupert Giles: It's, um, the earthquake, that symbol is, um...
- Buffy Summers: I told you. I-I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh."
- Rupert Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
- Willow Rosenberg: No. It-It-It can't be. We-We've done this already.
- Rupert Giles: It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really.
- Willow Rosenberg: So what do we do?
- Buffy Summers: I stop it.
- Rupert Giles: I bought it at a sorcerer's estate sale. I really only glanced at it once. I thought it was a knockoff.
- Riley Finn: What's a Slayer?
- Forrest Gates: Slayer? A thrash band. Anvil-heavy guitar rock with delusions of Black Sabbath.
- Willow Rosenberg: We're not useless. We-We help people. We-We fight the forces of evil.
- Spike: *Buffy* fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies.
- Buffy Summers: I wonder where I've seen this before. Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff off the sides of mausoleums... Big, freaky, cereal boxes of death.
- Willow Rosenberg: [to Spike] what are you doing?
- Xander Harris: You were trying to stake yourself.
- Spike: Fag off! It's no concern of yours.
- Xander Harris: Is too. For one thing, that's my shirt you're about to dust. And for another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it *for* you.
- Willow Rosenberg: Xander.
- Xander Harris: What? He wants to die. I wanna help.
- Willow Rosenberg: It-It's ookie. We know him. We can't just let him poof himself.
- Spike: Oh, but you can. You know I'd drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance.
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, Porter Dorm is completely blacked out... so, naturally they're dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: "Aftershock Party".
- Buffy Summers: Ah, this from the dorm that brought us the "Somebody Sneezed Party" and the "Day That Ends In 'Y' Party."
- [after Percy calls her a nerd]
- Willow Rosenberg: I mean, I know the Percy thing isn't really important. It's the dead guy on the bed.
- [as a chained demon is lead past]
- Riley Finn: How do you explain the things we deal with, Forrest?
- Forrest Gates: They're just animals, man. Plain and simple. Granted, a little rarer than the ones you grew up with on that little farm in Smallville, but...
- [demon breaks free and begins to choke him until Riley knocks it out]
- Forrest Gates: Like I said... animals.
- Buffy Summers: Be careful, you guys. Place doesn't look too stable.
- Spike: Fine by me. I hope we all go under.
- Buffy Summers: Why is he even here? It's not like he can fight.
- Willow Rosenberg: If we leave him alone, he'll stake himself.
- Buffy Summers: And that's bad because...? Fine. Whatever.
- Rupert Giles: [reads] "Slick like gall, and gird in moonlight, father of portents and brother to blight..."
- Buffy Summers: [takes over reading] "... Limbs with talons, eyes like knives. Bane to the blameless, theif of lives."
- Riley Finn: I don't know what's happened in your past.
- Buffy Summers: Pain... death... apocalypse... None of it fun.
- Riley Finn: It's just... This thing, this you-and-me thing... it's stupid.
- Buffy Summers: I know. Which is why we can't do it... the you-and-me thing.
- Riley Finn: No. I mean, you're stupid... I mean... I don't mean that. No. I think maybe I do.
- Buffy Summers: Wow. With sweet talk like that you'll definitely melt my reservations.
- Riley Finn: Well, hey! Willow. And Xander, right? Jeez, what are the chances, huh? Yeah, I was just passing by and I thought I heard people inside.
- Willow Rosenberg: You were just passing by in you G.I. Joe outfit?
- Buffy Summers: No offense, but you do look wicked conspicuous.
- [first lines]
- Riley Finn: I guess we have to talk.
- Buffy Summers: I guess we do.
- [long pause waiting for the other to start]
- Buffy Summers: Somebody should speak before one of us graduates.
- Willow Rosenberg: Buffy... Over here.
- Buffy Summers: Wow. I wasn't sure where the party was, and then I saw the flashing lights and the ambulance and I was like, "Right, of course. Death, carnage... It's a Buffy party."