- Bernard Manning: Cake is a made-up drug. It's not made from plants, it's made from chemicals...by...sick bastards.
- Christopher Morris: Luckily, the amount of heroin I use is harmless, I inject about once a month on a purely recreational basis. Fine. But what about other people less stable, less educated, less middle-class than me? Builders or blacks for example. If you're one of those, my advice is leave well alone. Good luck.
- Noel Edmonds: What is Cake? Well, it has an active ingredient which is a dangerous psychoactive compound known as dimesmeric andersonphosphate. It stimulates the part of the brain called Shatner's Bassoon. And that's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. So, a second feels like a month. Well, it almost sounds like fun...unless you're the Prague schoolboy who walked out into the street straight in front of a tram. He thought he'd got a month to cross the street.
- Chris Morris: An overdose of heroin is fatal - in the short term. But there has been no research whatsoever into long term effects.
- Christopher Morris: Drugs destroy families. Well, a disabled lonely teenager, a blind mother, but a family held together by the father's crack dealing, which he uses to keep them in talking books and dildos.
- Bernard Manning: One young kiddie on Cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt. It's a fucking disgrace.
- Chris Morris: Have you got any triple sod?
- Street dealer: Any...?
- Chris Morris: Any triple sod?
- Street dealer: Triple sod?
- Chris Morris: Triple sod.
- Street dealer: What's that?
- Chris Morris: Yellow bentines?
- Street dealer: I don't know what that is my friend.
- Chris Morris: Have you not got any yellow bentines?
- Street dealer: What's yellow bentines?
- Chris Morris: I just want something that, y'know, makes you go really blooty.
- Street dealer: Nah the only thing I sell out here is coke, mate.
- Chris Morris: No, you must have some er...
- Street dealer: You telling me what I have and what I don't have?
- Chris Morris: Are you the boz-boz?
- Street dealer: What's the boz-boz?
- Chris Morris: Are you *a* boz-boz?
- Street dealer: What's 'boz-boz' mean?
- Chris Morris: I don't wanna end up like, y'know, a bloody piano dentist.
- Street dealer: If you don't want it you don't have to buy it.
- Chris Morris: Yeah but what I don't want - I don't want my arms to feel like a couple of fortnights in a bad balloon. Do you know what I mean?
- Street dealer: My brother, I'm not really... bothered what you want your arms to feel like.
- Chris Morris: I tell you what, I'm less interested in giving you £40 to end up on a quack-handle.
- Street dealer: What's a quack-handle?
- Chris Morris: I tell you what, I'll give you 30 quid for one clarky cat.
- Street dealer: [becoming annoyed] What's a clarky can, you're not makin' sense!
- Chris Morris: A cat, a cat, clarky cat.
- Street dealer: I don't know what you mean man.
- Chris Morris: Are you telling me you've definitely got no clarky cat.
- Street dealer: For the tenth time, I dunno what clarky can MEANS.
- Chris Morris: No cat, cat. Clarky cat.
- Street dealer: What does it MEAN?
- Chris Morris: The stuff that you chew!
- Street dealer: I don't know it!
- Chris Morris: You know, the grass stuff that you chew.
- Street dealer: I do not know it!
- Chris Morris: Clarky cat or triple sod.
- Street dealer: My friend, please leave us alone.
- Chris Morris: He got a negative-blooty with a crack-handle, and he ended up on the jessop jessop jessop!
- Man on street: Do you think I wanna hear any o' that now?