- Richie: Is the moon up yet?
- Eddie: I can't see from here.
- Richie: Well, go have a look!
- Eddie: You go have a look!
- Richie: I can't go to the window, you know that. I might fall out! Or the window might fall in!
- Eddie: I can't go they'll think I'm Sean Connery.
- Richie: You don't look a bit like Sean Connery.
- Eddie: [as Michael Caine] "Hello, my name's James Bond. Not a lot of people know that."
- Richie: Ugh, I don't know, maybe death will be a release.
- Eddie: "Zulus. Thousands of 'em! White til you see the whites of their eyes, lads." They would've won if they kept their eyes closed. "Not a lot of people know that."
- Eddie: [reads letter] What's this? Annual membership to "Barbarella's Aerobic Fitness Centre"?
- Richie: Nothing to do with me.
- Eddie: It's got "Richard Richard" written on it.
- Richie: Ah. Er...
- Eddie: [reads] "Leotard"?
- Richie: Well, er, Eddie, none of us are getting any younger. I just pop along every Wednesday afternoon and firm up.
- Eddie: What, you stand at the back of a room full of girls jiggling their bottoms up and down and "firm up"?
- [Eddie dressed up as Death]
- Eddie: All right then mortal. I can see you're eager to keep your life. How's about I offer you a straight deal?
- Richie: A deal? Sure. No problem. Great.
- Eddie: How much money have ya got in the house?
- Richie: Oh, none.
- Eddie: What about the three hundred pounds on top of the bathroom cabinet?
- Richie: How do you know about that?
- Eddie: God, I keep telling you mate. I'm Death, I know everything.
- Richie: Everything? What, even about the...?
- Eddie: Especially that you naughty boy.
- Richie: All right. I'll get the money, just don't tell anybody. You wait right here.
- [Richie is trying to get pity from his aunt]
- Richie: Quick, sprinkle a bit of water all over the place so it looks like we've been crying a lot.
- Shooting gallery stallholder: How much money have you got in the house?
- Richie: None.
- Shooting gallery stallholder: What about the £300 I hear you've got safely ensconced on top of the bathroom cabinet?
- Eddie: It's not there anymore.
- Shooting gallery stallholder: Well then I'll just have to this then.
- [Swipes the wad of cash from Eddie]
- Shooting gallery stallholder: That should just about cover the £300 they told me in Harley Street it would cost to get my eye fixed. While I'm here, I'll think I'll take that copy of Girly World and all.
- [Takes the porn magazine from Eddie]
- Richie: A very wise choice sir. Oh, and one more thing.
- Shooting gallery stallholder: Yeah?
- Richie: Well, since you're here, would you like to kick Eddie in the bollocks?
- Shooting gallery stallholder: Don't mind if I do, thank you very much.
- Richie: Be my guest.
- [Stallholder kicks Eddie in the groin, freeze-frame on Eddie's reaction]
- [Eddie is dressed as "The Death", which Richie doesn't know; Richie is scared as hell]
- Richie: [crying] Please, give me another chance!
- Eddie: No, I won't, if you don't leave Eddie alone.
- Richie: How did you know that we had fights?
- Eddie: I am The Death, I know *everything*!
- Richie: Uh-oh... Do you know that I have...
- Eddie: I know that too, naughty boy!