- Fran Katzenjammer: You are being very mean to Manny.
- Bernard: I can't help it. He looks like a horse in a man costume.
- Fran Katzenjammer: It's just his mum and dad. Why can't he have his mum and dad for the weekend?
- Bernard: That's easy for you to say. You'll be off on the barge trying to find your booty in a haze of gang and ting.
- Fran Katzenjammer: How did you know it was on a barge?
- Bernard: I... I... didn't. I... I don't, I don't.
- Fran Katzenjammer: You nasty man, you've been screening his calls.
- Bernard: Well, he doesn't need friends. They're bad for him. They make him all giddy.
- Bernard: It's not my problem. It is my house though, and I'm not having it infected with the kind of specimens capable of producing you.
- Bernard: I'm about to stop playing 'Who Shall I Kill First' in my head and just go with what feels natural. I think I'll start with me, then it's you.
- Fran Katzenjammer: How long did you think that was going to last?
- Manny: I was hoping for about 5 minutes.
- Fran Katzenjammer: [Throws a breadstick at a waiter] Wine please.
- Bernard: Lots of wine.
- Fran Katzenjammer: Expensive wine!
- Bernard: Wine from the bottom of the list!
- Fran Katzenjammer: Wine!
- Bernard: WINE!