Black Books (TV Series)

Hello Sun (2002)

Dylan Moran: Bernard Black

Quotes 

• Fran : Do you know that in Tibet when they want something they give something away?

  Bernard : Do they? That must be why they're such a dominant global power.

• Fran : So what's it like then? The fags and booze.

  Bernard : Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...

  Fran : Yep...

  Bernard : You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...

  Fran : Yep...

  Bernard : ..."This is fantastic. I'm in heaven."

• First Customer : Look, there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.

  Bernard : Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taveria in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it.

• Bernard : Stop talking goo!

• Bernard : The only thing that's going to bring me inner peace is a beard-seeking missile.

• Bernard : What other grown man cuts soldiers for his runny egg and then divides them into rank?

  Manny Bianco : Just a bit of fun.

  Bernard : You won't mind if I eat this one?

  Manny Bianco : Don't touch the colonel... It'll upset the rest of the men.

• Bernard : According to this it's dangerous being in the same room as you.