The Benny Hill Show (TV Series)

Show 26 (1976)

Benny Hill: Self - Host, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tinker : I put manure on me rhubarb, manure on me flowers.

  Luke : You put manure on your rhubarb? We have cream on ours.

• Luke : And then the cow jumped over the moon. At least that's what we're told.

  Tinker : I expect it was because the farmer's hands were cold.

• Man with a bag on his head : I'd like to buy a brassiere for the wife, please.

  Lingerie store clerk : What size?

  Man with a bag on his head : 15.

  Lingerie store clerk : 15? What did you measure it with?

  Man with a bag on his head : Me bowler hat. Two 7 1/2s.

• Dickie Davies : We're going to have a look at the competition which is called The New Frontiers Bra Cup. And in particular, we'll be taking a jolly good look at the women's doubles.

• male dancer : Hey, darling, do you know what virgins eat for breakfast?

  female dancer : No.

  male dancer : In that case, can I see you home?

• Stranger : You have only got to hear a clap of thunder and you go to the widow to take a bow.

• Stranger : He is so deef, that last week he conducted a prayer meetin' for three hours kneelin' on the cat.

• Stranger : Why, do you know, my mama and papa were so poor, they couldn't afford to buy me clothes. I had to run around the house naked 'til I was fifteen.

  Grace Parks : Then what?

  Stranger : They bought me a hat, so I could look out the window.

• Stranger : Why, honey, I ain't no city slicker. The town I come from is small, we had to widen the main road to put a white line down the middle.

• Willard Parks : He could lock the door and have his way with her.

  Stranger : Why he wouldn't do a thing like that. He's too fine. He's to decent. He's too damn old. That's the truth. Why, do you know, his last birthday party, the candles cost more than the cake.

• Stranger : He used to do bird impersonations. You know, they was so realistic, I was afraid to look up.

• Willard Parks : This is my daughter, Grace. She can play a tune on the bagpipes.

  Stranger : Why that's amazing, Grace.

• Stranger : I sometimes think that I'm so unlucky, if it was rainin' soup, I'd have a fork.